A Well Respected Man
by ar-poe
Summary: Spoilers for 'The Big Game' and 'Revelations.' What happened during Dr. Reid's group therapy and throughout his recovery. Slight slash, it's all fluff. Because of recent complaints: This is SLASH which means man/man ROMANCE.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Alright, well, this is my first fic... Hope you enjoy, and review it afterward, but please, be gentle ;) I'm thinking that this may be just a short couple of chapters, but if I get enough positive feedback, perhaps I'll keep it going. :)  
Oh, and, thanks to Hanna for being a beta reader!

**Warning: **Spoilers for '_The Big Game_' and '_Revelations._'

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Criminal Minds_, no matter how I scream and cry.

**Chapter 1**

"So, uhm.. Hi.. I'm Spencer..." Reid said as he gave an awkward wave and polite smile, his eyes shifting to every face in the room. Reid shifted his weight from one leg to the other and cleared his throat.

"What are ya addicted to?" A man called out from the crowd, putting Reid on the spot.

"Uh, I'm.. recovering from an addiction to Dilaudid..." Reid tried to sound polite and formal, but he was becoming increasingly nervous as he placed his hands on either side of the podium. At that time, Reid's phone started vibrating. He pulled it out nervously, silenced it, and slid it back into his pocket, giving an innocent smile to the crowd and mumbling something that sounded like, "sorry 'bout that."

"Why don't you tell us how it all started, can you do that for us? Or would you rather wait?" The group sponsor spoke up from the back of the room, giving her encouraging smile. Reid nodded mindlessly for a brief moment, licking his lips, and keeping himself balanced on the podium. He wasn't sure he was ready for this, but he knew the sooner he completed his assigned therapy, the sooner he could get back to work.

"I uh," Reid began and paused, trying to find the words in his brilliant mind, "the team and I, the Behavioral Analysis Unit, were down in Georgia for a case..." Reid began to explain as his attention focused itself elsewhere, to that secluded cabin in the middle of the woods, tied to his chair in front of a video camera.

"We were investigating a man who had committed a series of murders, and called himself Raphael when calling 911. We found a man named Tobias, who fit our profile, and my teammate JJ and I went to his home to talk to him. We heard something out back, so JJ and I split up. She took the side of the cabin, I went around back..." Reid's eyes glazed over as he looked at nothing in particular, his heartbeat quickening with every word.

"Tobias, well his father, he had multiple personalities, ended up knocking me out in the field and taking me hostage. When Tobias would visit, he'd give me doses of Dilaudid to help with the pain and torture his father and Raphael, his other personality, would put me through." Reid began fidgeting with his hands, twisting them into various shapes.

"I didn't want it at first," he began again, almost pleading, "but I got to where I wouldn't resist, I couldn't... And when my team found me, and after I shot him to survive, I took his remaining phials out of his pocket..."

The nodding of a few heads in the crowd in front of him caught his attention, and he relaxed a little bit, noticing the understanding and emotion in the sets of eyes before him. _Maybe this won't be too bad_, Reid though, _everyone here is in the same type of work, they'll be understanding_...

"Thank you, Spencer." The sponsor said with her calming smile, her deep red lips curling up on the sides and melting whatever uneasiness was left in him. Reid nodded and made his off of the tiny platform and found his seat among the crowd. The man beside him, an older man with tired features and graying hair, held his hand out from his crossed arms. "I'm Jeremy, I work for the FBI as well."

Reid nodded his head and took his hand. _Yeah, this wouldn't be too bad_.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I got quite a few reviews on here and LJ, so I thought I'd go ahead and post chapter 2. Enjoy! And thanks to Hanna for being a beta reader!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Criminal Minds_ nor do I own Dr. Spencer Reid or Derek Morgan. It'd be nice, though.

Chapter 2

It was late by the time Reid had managed to drag himself up the stairs and to his apartment door. He rummaged through his tan shoulder bag looking for his keys, and they fumbled around in his tired hands as he found the right one.

"Hey, kid." A familiar voice said from the hallway. Reid jumped, startled, and dropped his keys. He looked to the right and found Morgan leaning up against the wall, arms crossed against his chest, with an amused smile spread across his face. Reid picked up his keys and unlocked the door.

"Hi." Reid said, "Uh... What are you doing here?"

"We were all just kind of worried about you, since you didn't take Garcia up on the offer to go out. You seemed kind of off today, thought I'd come check up on you." Morgan answered, smile fading from his face as he lifted himself off the wall.

"I'm fine." Reid said, looking into his apartment. "I guess... I guess you wanna come in?" Morgan studied Reid's face for a moment and nodded. "Sure, kid." Morgan followed Reid into his apartment and stood in the kitchen, watching as Reid took off his coat and threw it over the chair.

"I have water and coffee, if you want anything..." Reid said awkwardly. Morgan smiled, "I just thought you might wanna talk." Morgan knew something was going on, but he also knew that if you pushed the kid, he'd clam up and not talk. "I'm starvin'. Wanna order a pizza?"

Reid looked down at his watch and frowned. "It's almost 10:30." Morgan looked at him with humor in his eyes, "You have a better idea, Pretty Boy?"

Reid and Morgan sat in silence for awhile, enjoying the pizza. They were both starving and they both enjoyed the company. After a good fifteen minutes, Reid broke the silence.

"I had my first meeting tonight." He said , chewing slowly, eyes remaining on the slice of pizza.

"Oh, really?" Morgan began, a little too enthusiastically. He locked his eyes on Reid and waited for him to continue, taking a bite of his pizza.

"Yeah..." Reid answered, nodding more to himself than to Morgan. "It was..." Reid's eyes darted, searching for the right words. "Strangely uplifting..." Reid finally looked at him, that goofy and innocent smile of his spread across his face.

"Well, that's good, kid." Morgan beamed. "Gives us a perfect reason to celebrate, just wait 'til Garcia finds out -"

"No!" Reid interrupted. "I don't... I don't want everyone else to know. Not yet.." Morgan looked at him curiously, but then nodded. "Alright, kid." Part of Morgan was happy and relieved that Reid chose to confide in him and not anyone else on the team.

"We should do this more often." Morgan added, fetching another beer he had picked up from the kid's fridge, and getting that goofy grin of Reid's in response as well as a tired nod. "Yeah, we should."

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**A/N: **I've been reading nothing but Morgan/Reid fluff lately, and I haven't decided if I want this to turn into a Morgan/Reid relationship or not. Feedback and suggestions?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Okay, so I've made up my mind. There is going to be mild slash which will be nothing but cutesy fluff, promise. Nothing more than that, that way (I'm hoping) everyone wins and enjoys.

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**Disclaimer: **Sadly, I do not own _Criminal Minds_.

Chapter 3

In the past three weeks, Morgan has spent countless hours at Reid's apartment between Reid's therapy sessions twice a week. They've sampled every type of food in the area including Italian, Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Mexican, as well as American fast food, and have settled on the tradition of Italian pasta, beer, and coffee as their "celebratory" food on therapy nights.

Tonight, Morgan and Reid sit on Reid's couch in front of _The Count of Monte Cristo_ on an old television channel – Morgan slouched in his usual position with his feet placed comfortably on the coffee table, and Reid sitting cross-legged as he normally does – each taking huge bites of fettuccine alfredo.

Every so often, Morgan will pick up slight mumbles next to him, and he strains his ears to hear Reid quietly announcing each dialogue as it's said in the movie. Morgan grins and looks over at Reid, dropping his fork in the take-out container. "What are ya talkin' about there, kid?"

Reid frowned as the color drained from his face. "I didn't say anything." He said quickly, shoveling fettuccine in his mouth, squirming uncomfortably.

Morgan's grin grew wider. "Did I just hear you say... '_Oh, Dantès _...,' Reid?"

Reid stood up abruptly, clearing his throat. "I'm getting more coffee. Want some?"

"You have almost a full cup right there, kid."

"You didn't put enough sugar in it."

"Right." Morgan added, chuckling, and handing Reid his coffee cup.

When Reid returned, the credits were starting to appear on the screen as Reid once again placed himself in his cross-legged position. He began gathering noodles around his fork absentmindedly as his hair hung in his face, as it often did when he wasn't paying attention.

"We've been talking about... specific things.. in the past couple of sessions." Reid began, dragging his fork around in his food, tilting his head to the side. "We've been talking about family a lot and people who have been supporting us through our... my.. recovery."

Morgan put his plate down on the table and shifted himself on the couch so that he was facing Reid, placing his arm over the back of the couch while Reid thought of what to say next. Reid continued looking straight ahead with his food.

"I was telling her about my mother and the team, and I came to a realization last week, about someone on the team, but I don't... I don't know how to express any of it, or if I should, or if -"

"Reid." Morgan cut him off. "You can tell me anything, I'm not gonna judge you."

"I know. It's just... It's about you, and -"

"Tell me, kid."

Reid sighed and Morgan waited patiently as he could almost hear Reid's mind going into overdrive trying to come up with what to say.

"I just.. I want you to know that you coming here and spending time with me through all of this really helps, and I really enjoy it..." Reid finally looked at Morgan and Morgan smiled.

"I enjoy it, too, kid. You're great company." Reid gave a small nod and looked back at his food. "But that wasn't everything you wanted to tell me, was it, Reid?" Reid slowly shook his head.

"I think I've gotten a little bit better at acknowledging my emotions and a little bit better at dealing with people. At least I hope so anyway..." Reid began again after a couple minutes of silence. "..And I just.. I feel safe when I'm with you, I feel less... awkward.. And I think -" Reid stood up then and picked up his dishes. Morgan watched him, unsure of what to do or say. "And I think that I'm in love with you." Reid stepped over Morgan's shoes and quickly walked off into the kitchen before Morgan could even comprehend what was said.

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**A/N: **Don't kill me! Yes, that's the end of the chapter. But, in two more days, chapter 4 will be up (maybe sooner), promise! ;) Review, please?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Okay. I couldn't wait until Wednesday to post this, my fingers were itching to write. So, all attempts to be a suspenseful writer, has failed. Here's chapter 4, enjoy!

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**Disclaimer: **I really do wish I owned _Criminal Minds_, or even better, Dr. Reid, but sadly, I do not. Nor do I profit from writing this.

Chapter 4

Morgan sat dumbly on the couch and in the same position for a good five minutes before he realized that Reid was no longer with him. He made himself get up, and wandered into the kitchen where he saw Reid fumbling around with something on the kitchen counter, back facing Morgan, hair hanging in his face.

"Reid?" Morgan asked softly, standing in between the wall and kitchen table. Reid continued doing whatever it was he was doing and didn't respond.

"Spencer." He tried again, a little louder.

"Yeah?" Reid responded, almost as a statement as his voice shook.

"Look at me."

Reid turned around and wrapped his arms around himself, how Morgan had seen his mother do when Reid brought her to Quantico during the Fisher King case. "I don't expect you to feel the same. But I just thought that... you should know.. It was stupid for -"

"It's not stupid." Morgan interrupted taking a few steps closer to Reid to close the distance between them.

"W-what are you doing?" Reid gasped, panicked, as his eyes darted around the small kitchen.

"Shut up, kid." Morgan took Reid's slender face in his hands and paused, looking into Reid's large, puppy-like caramel eyes. "How do you know?" Morgan whispered.

"I just... I do." Reid answered, relaxing a little. "I have all of these useless facts.. and statistics... running around in my head, and it's hard for me to think... but, when I'm around you, it all seems to dissipate, and I can only focus on you..." Before he could even think of what to say next, Morgan had planted a soft kiss on Reid's lips.

"Derek." Morgan stepped back at the sound of his name and Reid's timidness. "You're not -"

"I'm not what?" Morgan asked.

"I've only seen you ever flirt with women. You don't... like men.." Reid stated, once again wrapping his arms around himself. He was so eager to kiss Derek again, but he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure if he was doing this out of pity or if he really had feelings for him... He definitely didn't want this if it was out of pity.

"You don't know that." Morgan answered.

"Then tell me." Reid said flatly.

"When Tobias took you, and we saw you on that screen in his cabin... Everything he did to you..." Morgan began, noticing some emotion flash across Reid's face and was gone before he could even pinpoint what it was. "Something just snapped and I couldn't get you out of my head. You were on my mind all the time. You still are. And I just had this urge to be around you and watch out for you, make sure you were okay. And it's more than just a brotherly thing, it's not just because you're the youngest, and the kid of the team, or whatever you may think..." Morgan took a deep, shuddering breath and looked up at Reid to find him watching him, looking slightly relieved.

"You're not just telling me this out of... pity?" Reid asked in a small voice.

Morgan sighed deeply, almost visibly deflating. "Of course not, Spencer."

Reid thought for a few seconds, biting his bottom lip as he often did when he had a lot on his mind and was conflicted. He finally lifted his eyes and made eye contact with Morgan.

"I was afraid to say anything to you, you've been doing well and going to your meetings, and we've been hanging out and everything... I didn't want to ruin anything..." Morgan added.

"Have you ever dated a man before? Or... wait... is that what you even want? To date? Or... did you just want to forget I ever -" Reid was interrupted by Morgan taking a step closer, almost out of nervousness.

"I don't want to forget. No, I've never dated a man before, but I'm willing to try. I'd really like to. I can't say that it'll be easy at first, especially with our work, but I'd like to try. I really want to be with you, and spend time with you..." Reid continued to bite his lip as Morgan spoke, letting everything Morgan was saying to him sink into his brain.

"Okay." Reid finally said, looking back up to Morgan, his eyes showing traces of relief and excitement.

"Okay." Morgan repeated, relieved as well, a smile creeping onto his face. "Come on, Pretty Boy." Morgan added, lifting his arm and motioning for Reid. Reid leaned off the counter and made his way back to the living room with Morgan's arm lightly draped over his shoulders. Truthfully, Morgan was nervous as hell, but he felt he had to be strong enough for the both of them, it obviously took all the kid had to tell him what he was feeling.

After a few hours of watching movies and old episodes of _The Honeymooners_, Reid and Morgan remained sitting close to one another on the couch, Morgan's arm around Reid on the back of the couch. Around midnight, Reid's body became less on-edge as he grew tired, and eventually, he thought, to hell with nervousness, and laid his head on Morgan's shoulder and closed his eyes.

Morgan smiled to himself and glanced over to the clock beneath the television. "You want me to go, Spencer?" Morgan asked, making mental notes to himself to continue calling him by his first name.

"You don't have to." Reid answered quietly. "Unless you want to." Reid lifted his head and squinted at the clock, and then his eyes drifted over to the window overlooking the city. "It's snowing." Reid added, momentarily transfixed by the sheet of white outside of his apartment window.

Morgan looked out the window as well. "You can stay the night, if you want... You know.. if you don't want to go out in the snow..."

Morgan looked back over to Reid and smiled. "I'd like that."

Reid nodded and cleared his throat, waking himself up and looked around. "I can get you some blankets for in here on the couch, or... you can sleep in my room... You don't have any clothes with you, I have some t-shirts and stuff..."

Morgan watched Reid talk animatedly, an amused smile on his face. Reid stood up and walked into his bedroom. "Come on." He said while walking away. Morgan followed him into his bedroom, eying the shelves and shelves of books on every open space of wall, just like in the living room. Reid walked over to his dresser and pulled old sweatpants and a t-shirt out of the second drawer and handed them over to Morgan. "I have an extra toothbrush, too." Reid said, an innocent look on his face. Morgan smiled and softly kissed Reid, "thanks, kid." He said and walked to the bathroom.

Morgan came out a few minutes later and found Reid sitting absentmindedly on the side of his bed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Morgan leaned against the door frame.

"Ready?" Morgan asked.

Reid looked up, almost startled by his voice. "Sleeping in here?" He asked.

"If you want me to."

Reid nodded, thinking for a couple more seconds. "Okay." He said, standing up and pulling the blankets down. "I get the wall side, though." Reid added, almost playfully. He got into bed and curled up on his side, pulling the blankets up to his face. Morgan smiled and turned the lights out, almost surprised when a sensor nightlight popped on at the action.

"Do we need that?" Morgan asked, standing next to the bed.

"Uhm..." Reid looked up nervously. "I guess not..." Morgan pulled it out of the socket, laying on the nightstand, and got into bed next to Reid.

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That was the first night Reid had slept nightmare-free in years.

**A/N: **Review please, tell me what ya think!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Here's chapter 5! And as always, thank you Miss Hanna for being my beta reader!

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**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Criminal Minds_.

Chapter 5

Reid awoke the next morning to an empty bed. At first, his eyes opened slowly and he placed a hand over his face, unsure of why he was awake. Coming to, he looked to his left and saw Derek's side of the bed empty and he sat up.

"Derek?" Reid called out quietly, rubbing his eyes. He heard his apartment door close and footsteps coming towards the bedroom. The bedroom door creaked open, revealing light, and Spencer watched with one eye opened. A small laugh entered as well.

"Mornin', kid." Derek walked in, tossed a duffel bag onto the floor, and sat on the side of the bed next to Reid. Reid looked at the clock. 5:30 in the morning. He rubbed his eyes again and looked back at Derek, still half asleep.

"You're cute when you first wake up." Derek said with a grin. Reid looked at him like he was insane.

"Where'd you go?"

"I woke up early for some ungodly reason, so I went to pick up some clothes from my place and feed Clooney." Derek answered.

Reid frowned. "It's Saturday. We don't have to go into the office." He said. Derek smiled again and shrugged. Reid laid back down and curled up, pulling the covers all the way up. "Come back to bed." He mumbled.

Derek laughed and laid down on top of the covers, wrapping his arm around Reid's waste and leaning over his shoulder to whisper "I'm already awake, kid. We can go out for breakfast, my treat."

"Should be your treat. Woke me up." Reid continued to mumble, causing Derek's smile to grow even more.

"Come on." Derek picked Reid up off of the bed and stood up.

"Derek... Derek what are you doi -" Reid's eyes snapped open.

"What does it look like I'm doin'?" Derek interrupted, standing Reid up on his feet in front of his closet as he rummaged through Reid's hanging clothes. He pulled pants and a button up shirt from their hangers and turned to Reid, who was standing there half asleep with his arms wrapped around himself with a frown.

"Here. I like you in this shirt."

Reid took the clothes and looked down with his frown. The shirt was black with silver pin stripes. Reid sighed. "I'm getting in the shower."

When Reid finally reemerged twenty minutes later, he slowly made his way into his bedroom to put his pajamas up, button up shirt tucked into black pants, and wet hair hanging in his face.

"Okay. I'm up." He said quietly as Derek wrapped his arms around Reid's waste.

"And smellin' good, too." Derek added, taking in the scent of citrus and some kind of woodsy fragrance.

Reid laughed his first laugh of the day and sat on the side of the bed to put his shoes on. "I have a session this evening, so we can't stay out too late." Reid said, tying up his shoes.

"Okay, Pretty Boy." Derek answered, handing Reid his coat. He stood up and slipped on his coat and began to walk towards the bedroom door when Derek stepped in front of him, blocking his only exit.

Derek stood in the doorway, arms crossed against his chest with an amused smile spread across his face.

Reid frowned. "What? What's wrong...?" Reid began, looking down and examining his outfit.

Derek reached out with both hands and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, revealing a good two or three inches of Spencer's chest and placed a hand there to smooth out the wrinkles.

"There." Was all Derek said and grinned his killer smile that always made Spencer's heart melt. He blushed and motioned for Derek to continue walking.

000

"So, Spencer. Tell me about your relationship with Derek." Dr. Fitzgerald asked.

"Oh. Well, it's pretty great. We've been dating for about two months now, he stays at my place two or three times a week... He's great. Everything's great." Reid answered. "But, I, uh... I don't really understand what all of this really has to do with my recovery..."

"I just like to keep tabs on what's going on in my member's lives, that way we can eliminate any problems that may lead to a relapse, if need be." Dr. Fitzgerald answered. Reid nodded. That made sense, he understood.

"Well, yeah. Things are great, we're really happy."

"Good, good." Dr. Fitzgerald answered, nodding, and scribbling notes on her legal pad.

"And your mother and work?"

000

Derek called Spencer as soon as he knew that his session was over and waited for him to answer his phone.

"Hello?" Spencer answered.

"Hey babe, want me to come pick you up? It's pretty cold out."

"Oh. Uhm, no that's okay. I think I'll walk." Reid answered in a less than enthusiastic voice. Derek knew by now that something like _I think I'll walk_ coming out of Spencer's mouth was his way of saying _I want to be left alone to think_, so he didn't push the matter.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. Everything's fine. I'll talk to you later." And Reid hung up.

Derek placed two mugs of coffee on Spencer's kitchen table as the apartment door opened and closed again.

"Hey, kid." Morgan greeted, offering Reid his usual giant mug.

"Hey. Thanks." Reid took the mug and gave Derek a small smile, wrapping his slender fingers around the ceramic.

"You feelin' alright?" Morgan asked, sitting down at the table.

"Yeah... yeah..." Reid answered absentmindedly, waving away the question and taking a sip of sugar-coffee (Morgan had paid special attention to exactly how many dozens of teaspoons Reid dumped into every cup of coffee).

Reid looked up when he felt Derek's eyes on him, watching him drink as his eyes paid no special attention to any one object.

"What's going on in that big brain of yours?"

"I just... She asked a lot of questions tonight. Talking about my mother and the... guilt... made me want to.. you know..." _Shoot up_. Derek nodded.

"Well, it's been about nine months since you've been clean, right?" Derek asked, optimism in his voice. Reid nodded. "You're doin' great. Don't let anything get in the way of what you want, and I'll support you every step of the way."

Reid's worried eyes looked up and found Derek's. "Will you stay tonight?"

Derek was quiet for a second, taken by surprise at how blunt Spencer was, he had never been this direct. "Of course, kid. We'll even stay up and watch _Count of Monte Cristo_ again if you want." Derek answered, giving Spencer a wink.

He watched as Spencer's cute childlike smile appeared on his face as he took another sip of coffee.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **You guys are the greatest, your comments make me so excited to keep writing this! And as always, thanks to Miss Hanna for being a beta reader! I thought I'd do this chapter a little differently, let me know what you think and if I should do this type of thing in the future, yeah?

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**Disclaimer: **(Sighs sadly) I do not own _Criminal Minds_.

Chapter 6

It's been four days since Spencer came home from his therapy session, and almost as long since he's smiled. _Really_ smiled, ya know, that puppy-face, eye-brightening, lip-pursing smile.

Where I grew up, God knows I saw my share of drug problems, I know what comes with it and what's included in the mix. These types of mood swings are bound to come about throughout every recovery, but I think something else is going on here that's adding to Spencer's sadness. Depression? I hope not, for his sake.

For some reason, I just woke up. I don't remember hearing anything or feeling anything. I looked to my left to Spence's usual spot next to the wall, and found it empty. I leaned over and turned on the lamp on the nightstand. Looking around the room, he was nowhere to be found. I sighed and sat up on the side of the bed, rubbing my hand over my head and fully waking myself up.

I walked out of the bedroom and into the hallway, trying to decide if I should search the living room or Spencer's office first. I continued straight ahead to the living room and found it empty with the television off, and found the kitchen next to it, empty as well with no coffee made or brewing. I sighed and put my hands in the pockets of my sweat pants.

I walked down the hallway and opened the door to Spence's office and looked around before my eyes settled down to Spencer's hunched over figure on his desk. Books and folders and papers were strewn across the floor in no visible pattern, papers were taped up on the walls and held up by magnets on his white boards. Spencer's head was rested on his outstretched arm over a book as the lights from his laptop reflected on his face.

I sighed and relaxed my shoulders, trying to figure out what to do. It was almost four in the morning and Spencer was in his office working and sleeping. I watched him for a minute – his long unkempt hair and his dark circles looking even more unhealthy than usual. I walked over and leaned down next to him, touching his shoulder and shaking it lightly.

"Spencer, baby?" I called, shaking a little harder. He jumped at the noise and lifted his head to look in my direction.

He sighed heavily, "Derek." He blinked a few times and looked back to his laptop, and then to all of the books and papers he had lying everywhere. "I have to finish my work and I have to write to my mother, and -"

"Spencer." I interrupted. "It's four in the morning. Come to bed, it's the weekend, you need to rest."

Spencer looked at me with wide, panic-stricken eyes. " I can't. I have to finish."

I grabbed him by the shoulders. "What's up with you lately? You've hardly slept, you've gone through pounds and pounds of coffee, you just stay locked up in here..."

Spencer's eyes narrowed. "Nothing is _up_ with me. I just have a lot going through my mind."

I rubbed my hands up and down his arms. "Come on, babe, please. Just come get some sleep." He sighed then, and looked around the room again. Yeah, no one can say no to Derek Morgan. He took my outstretched hand and stood up as I lead him towards the door. "I'll help you clean up this mess tomorrow."

"It's not a mess. It's my work -"

"Come on." I interrupted, dragging him to the bedroom and gently pushed him towards the bed. He got in and rolled onto his stomach, burying his head in the pillow tiredly. I wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him towards me, burying my face in his hair and kissing his cheek.

"I can't do this." He whispered. My heartbeat quickened. He couldn't do what?

"... Do what?" I asked, just as quietly. "This relationship?"

"What? No, no, no..." He rolled onto his back and looked over at me, seeing the fear in my eyes. "Of course not. No. This... recovery... It's getting harder..." I looked him in the eye, my eyes adjusting to the darkness. "I really messed up. I took those phials from his pocket... I... I really messed up. It's my fault I'm in this position to begin with."

"Hey, now." I snapped, leaning up on my elbow to look him straight in the face. "It is _not _your fault that he injected you with those drugs, and it is not your fault that he did... all of those things to you. You got that? You're recovering, and you're doing a damn good job, kid. It's not goin' to be easy, but you're gettin' there, and you have me and the rest of the team to help you out."

He sighed and turned back on his side with his back to me. I pulled the covers up how he likes it and wrapped my arm back around his waist, and I felt him relax into my arms a little.

"I love you." He said after a few silent minutes in a calm voice. I smiled, that was the first time he had said that to me, in that context. Not '_I love ya_' or anything with playful connotations...

"I love you, too, Spencer." I answered, my smile widening as I pulled him closer to me, relaxing and getting warm. "And I'll do anything I can to make this easier for you, and to make you happy."

"You already make me happy."

0-0-0

Something bounced on the bed.

I rolled over, half paralyzed. "Spencer?" I opened my eyes to see Spence slightly bouncing still as his weight settled on the edge of the bed, looking playful and awake.

"I have a surprise for you." He said happily as his eyes lit up, and that smile of his, my favorite smile appeared on his face as he waited for me to respond. He looked perfect – his hair was still as it had been the night before, but he was beginning to wear his shirts the way I started fixing them when we weren't at work -

I pushed my thoughts aside and forced myself to speak, excited that I had my Spencer back. "And what is that, Pretty Boy?"

"Don't move." He answered, bouncing back up and leaving the room. I pushed myself up on my elbows and waiting for him to come back.

When he returned, he had a bed tray in his hands with breakfast for both of us - eggs, toast, bacon, and coffee. I grinned and gave him a quick kiss. He watched me eat for a minute as he sat down and crossed his legs. I sipped the coffee as he bit his bottom lip, thinking.

"I do love you." He said, in the same calm and truthful voice as the night before. "And... I know I can be... difficult to deal with... but I'll do anything to make you happy, too." He relaxed and looked up to me.

I leaned across the tray and kissed him. "You already do, genius." I smiled at him, and kissed him again. I handed him his cup of coffee. "You're perfect. And I believe you, I can feel it. I love you, too."

He gave me that perfect smile again and we sat there for ages just enjoying each others company as we sipped our coffee.

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**A/N: **Sorry, guys. I had to get my angst fix. Feedback? Like the change in POV? Want more? I think this was my favorite chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Thanks to Miss Hanna for being a beta.

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**Disclaimer: **It's almost Christmas! Come _on_, can I _please_ have Criminal Minds and Dr. Reid as my very own? No? Oh fine. I do not own Criminal Mind nor its characters.

Chapter 7

Dr. Fitzgerald closed her folder and crossed her hands in her lap as she looked at me. "Well, I think we're done for this evening. It's getting pretty bad outside." She motioned towards the window where I finally noticed the snow. "This is the first time we've had snow in Virginia in years..." She mused, a happy smile on her face – a nice change in the past few sessions.

I stood up and slipped on my coat, wrapping the purple scarf around my neck, and placing my messenger bag around my chest.

"Have a good Valentine's Day, Dr. Reid."

"What? Valentine's...?" I know I looked panicked, I could feel it rising in my chest. I had totally forgotten that today was Valentine's Day. What am I going to do? I guess I could always just stop and get something for Derek on the walk home... "You, too, doctor." I managed to say.

As soon as I stepped outside, I pulled out my cell phone and speed dialed number four.

"It's Friday night, honey, do you have nothing better to do than call me -"

"Garcia. I forgot about Valentine's Day. What do I do? What do I get Derek? -"

"Sweetheart, okay, don't panic, calm down." She sighed and thought for a minute. "Call and try to get reservations to that Italian place he loves."

"What if he's already making dinner at home?" My panic grew worse and I found myself pacing outside of the doctor's office. "I don't know what I'm gonna do. He always goes all out for these holidays... I don't know what to do..."

"Reid, baby, calm down." I sighed into the phone, trying to calm my nerves. "Is there anything that he's been wanting, or -"

"I've gotta go, Garcia. Thanks."

"Oh, uh -" I hung up before she got to respond.

I slipped the phone back in my pocket and rushed into the nearest drugstore. I scanned the card isle anxiously, biting on my bottom lip. What am I doing? I can't just get him a card... My cell phone rang, interrupting my thoughts. I pulled it out and looked at the screen and answered it with the same nervousness.

"Okay sweetcheeks. I talked to Derek, he's still at the office and he said he was going to meet you at your apartment. We talked about tonight when I kept talking about Kevin, and he doesn't have dinner planned. I already called Carini's and made reservations for the two of you in an hour. Get going my genius, no need to thank me."

I sighed with relief. "Thank you so much, Penelope."

0-0-0

I was sitting on the couch as the apartment door swung open and Reid ran in out of breath. I watched him as he stopped next to the couch, gasping for a minute before regaining his composure.

"Baby, what -"

He grabbed my hand before I got to finish my sentence. "Come on." He whispered, a smile beginning to form on his lips. Luckily, I already had my shoes on, and grabbed my coat off the hook as he dragged me out of the apartment.

"Wait, wait." I stopped him, pausing to close the door behind us as we left, and then grabbed his hand again as we rushed downstairs and out of the building. We stopped outside and he checked his watch. He smiled to himself and just stood there for a few minutes as he caught his breath.

"What's going on?" I asked.

He laughed, almost as if to himself. "I just have to get my breath for a minute. I ran all the way home from Dr. Fitzgerald's office." He smiled and took my hand again. I love it when he does that.

"I figured as much. Garcia called me all excited about her big night tonight with Kevin, and she could barely contain herself, she just said that she was so excited and told me to get myself ready."

Spence nodded. "Okay." He said, and we began walking down the street. "Hope you haven't already eaten." He added. I looked at him with a bewildered look.

"You know I always wait for you." Spence looked at me with that cute, puppy-face smile of his and continued walking.

We stopped outside of Carini's and I watched him look up at the sign as the snow fell. "Our first Valentine's." He murmured. I squeezed his hand. "Come on." He lead us inside and informed the hostess of the reservation.

0-0-0

When we returned to the apartment, Spencer entered first and turned the lights on, taking off his coat and placing it on the hook. I wrapped my arms around Spencer's waist and pulled him close.

"Thank you for dinner, Spence." I mumbled, kissing his cheek and burying my face near his collar bone. Spencer's always so warm. "I have something for you." I added, reaching into the pocket of my pants. I pulled out a thick silver man's chain and held it up for him to look at. Hanging from the chain was a silver circle enclosing a diamond shape.

He smiled innocently. "What does it mean?"

He eyed it happily as I smiled and began to explain. "It's a recovery symbol. It symbolizes strength and that you can make it through anything." I looked up at him, seeing both happiness and uneasiness in his eyes. I clasped it around his neck and placed my hands on his shoulders and examined him. He fingered the medallion and looked it.

"Thank you." He said and looked up to me. "It means a lot to me." He kissed me then and I could tell that it really did mean a lot to him.

"Come on, babe." I lead us further into the apartment.

"Oh, yeah, I brought Clooney over. I figured he shouldn't be alone on Valentine's Day either." Spencer said, stopping in the doorway and put his hands in his pockets. I stopped and followed his line of vision to see my Clooney laying in a brand new doggy bed in the corner, laying on his back with his paws up, sleeping peacefully. I chuckled at the sight and looked at Spencer.

"Now I've got both my babies." Spencer smiled at my remark and went to get ready for bed.

0-0-0

"What's on your mind, babe?" I asked. I had felt his uneasiness for quite a few minutes, and I knew it was keeping him up.

He fidgeted under his blankets. " I wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot." I answered, rolling onto my back and putting my arms under my head to look at him. He held himself up by his arms as he lifted his head to look at me.

"Do you -" He stopped and swallowed, biting his bottom lip. I love it when he does that more and more every time.

"Do you want to move in, and... live here?" He must've seen the shock on my face because he panicked. "I mean, you pretty much live here anyway... and you already have a key... and I think Clooney's feeling pretty comfortable... we'd have to work something out about furnitu -" He was still mumbling and spouting off statistics when I grabbed his face and kissed him.

"I'd really like that, Spence." He looked at me almost in shock for a second before it occurred to him that I had said yes. He grinned and sighed in relief.

"Okay." He laid back down and laid his head on my shoulder. "We can talk about the details later." I could still hear the happiness in his voice.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **I hope everyone had a great holiday! Here's chapter 8, enjoy! Hanna ("Official Beta Reader") influenced part of this chapter when I hit a wall trying to write. There are a few allusions to slash (Hanna's influence), but nothing extreme or detailed, so don't worry ;)

* * *

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, I do not own _Criminal Minds_.

Chapter 8

"I've noticed you haven't been coming to any sessions in the past few weeks. Almost a month, actually." Dr. Fitzgerald looked at Dr. Reid over her wire-rimmed glasses, expecting an answer.

"Yeah, I uh... I felt really good there for awhile. I mean, I... I still feel pretty good..." Spencer stammered and looked around the room. "But my confidence is... a bit lacking right now..."

"And why is that?" She asked, crossing her right leg over the left, and clasping her hands together in her lap.

Spencer pulled out the recovery necklace from under his shirt that Derek had given him on Valentine's Day last month. "Derek gave me this." Spencer said quietly, looking down at it as he often found himself doing. "He said it was a symbol of recovery, and strength, and that I could get through anything." He finished with a small smile, and Dr. Fitzgerald smiled as well.

"That's a very nice gift." She said happily, eying the small and simple charm hanging off his slender neck. She smiled again, offering that _talk to me_ vibe that he always surrendered under.

"It makes me feel really good about myself, and reminds me that he's there for me. And I know that... if something were to happen, and I messed up again... I think it would hurt him more than anyone else..." Spencer looked at Dr. Fitzgerald, but still toyed with the necklace as he spoke and thought.

"You don't think that it would hurt you the most?"

"Well, sure, physically. And I would probably hate myself. But, Derek..." Spencer trailed off and thought about what to say. "I still don't really understand his feelings fully. And I probably never will. But he's gone more than out of his way to let me know that he's there for me. I can't betray him, and I don't want to. I'm happy, I don't want that to change."

A huge smile spread across Dr. Fitzgerald's face. "And that, Dr. Reid," She began, leaning forward and patting his knee, "is exactly what we've been working towards for the past year and a half."

Spencer looked at her confusedly. "What?"

"You're happy, Spencer. All you had before was your job. And you had a great team for a family, who would always look after you, and you cared about them. But now, now you have someone who makes you happy, and you _want_ that. You have something that you're willing to work for, and live for, and enjoy every minute of it." She answered breathlessly, as if it were obvious. "You've found that one thing that you need to keep you on track, that keeps you motivated, and now you _want_ that."

Spencer looked at her, deep in thought, and a small innocent smile formed on his lips. "I'm gonna go home." He said softly.

"Okay." she said, smiling, happiness in her voice.

0-0-0

Spencer walked into his and Derek's apartment slowly, still with a small smile on his face. He turned after shutting the door and took off his messenger bag and sat it on the floor.

"Hey, Pretty Boy." Derek walked into the kitchen once he heard Spencer come home. "What are you all happy about?" Spencer looked up to him when he spoke, his smile just as wide.

Spencer rushed over to him, wrapping him in a huge hug. "I missed you."

Derek chuckled and wrapped his arms around Spencer. "I missed you, too, Spence."

"I learned something tonight. And I think I'm going to be okay."

Derek somehow understood this, despite not having an explanation, and squeezed Spencer's shoulder. He pulled back and smiled, that genuine smile of his, and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Let's go get some dinner. Indian, you're favorite."

0-0-0

When Derek and Spencer left Quantico Thursday evening, Spencer walked out with a slightly bouncy strut. He clearly seemed happier, more comfortable with himself then he had in months, and the vibe he was emitting filled Derek with happiness as well, and he couldn't help but grin the entire drive home.

Because of Spencer's fantastic mood, he continued replaying Yann Tiersen's _Summer '78_ over and over again for the twenty minute drive home. Derek drove, and every couple of minutes, he stole a glance at Spencer and his enlightened demeanor. Derek was loving this more and more every second, even though he wasn't sure exactly what had happened, what Spencer had learned, but he had had some sort of epiphany, and the entire atmosphere around Spencer was altered.

When Derek opened the door to their now shared apartment, he slid out of his coat and hung it on the hook, as did Spencer, and turned around to face him.

"I'm likin' this new attitude of yours, Pretty Boy."

Spencer gave Derek a genuine happy smile and allowed Derek to slip his hand in his own. Derek pulled Spencer close and kissed his cheek and wrapped his arms around Spence's waist. Spencer laughed nervously as a small shiver ran down his spine. This feeling was different than anything else that was passed between the two men in the previous months, but strangely pleasant...

Derek took Spencer by the hand and lead him to the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him, and pushed Spencer down on the bed.

0-0-0

Derek woke up the next morning to murmurs coming from the living room. He lifted his head tiredly to find Spencer gone, with the bedroom door closed, and flung his head back down onto the pillow. According to the clock, it was 6:45 in the morning and they had to go into the office soon. Derek got himself up and opened the bedroom door, pausing to listen to Spencer.

"Can I just leave a message?" He asked into the telephone, sounding almost panicked. Derek watched Spencer pace, nibbling at his fingers absentmindedly. "Okay... Just... When she gets in, can you tell her to call Dr. Spencer Reid, please. Thank you." He flipped the phone shut and slipped it into his pocket. He had changed clothes and gotten ready for work, but his hair was a mess and the dark circles around his eyes seemed darker than normal. He had the sleeves of his burgundy button-up shirt rolled up to his elbows, and he slipped his hands in his pockets.

Spencer turned completely around and jumped when he saw Derek watching him from the doorway, arms crossed across his bare chest. "Who are you talking to at 7:00 in the morning?"

Spencer shrugged. "Just a phone call." He walked by, kissing Derek lightly and went into the kitchen to pour some coffee for Derek and himself. Derek followed and watched as Spencer poured spoon after spoon of sugar into his coffee.

"Spencer." He called, almost suspiciously as if asking a child if he ate the cookies from the cookie jar.

"Yeah?"

"Look at me."

Spencer turned around and took a sip from his mug, raising an eyebrow.

"What's goin' on? Who'd you have to talk to so urgently?" Derek asked, coming closer to examine Spencer.

"I just... had to talk to Dr. Fitzgerald..." Spencer said, walking out of Derek's intense staring and sat down at the table.

"Talk to _me_." Derek said simply, sitting down across from him. Spencer sighed, lowered his shoulders, and placed his hands in his lap.

"I just... I'm panicking... I guess..."

"About what?"

"Last night." Spencer answered simply.

"I thought you enjoyed it?" Derek said, a little loudly, almost angrily.

"I did, Derek. I just..." Spencer sighed again and closed his eyes for a second. "It's a new stage... I'm not used to this type of thing... You have... experience, even if it's not with men..." Spencer's eyes fluttered up to meet Derek's, whose expression softened as he watched Spencer bite his lip.

"Pretty Boy, listen to me." Derek turned in his chair so that he was facing Spencer, and picked up his hands and held them in his own. "I don't care how _experienced_ you are. I love you, I'm_ in_ love with you, and that's all that matters. Okay?"

Spencer watched him for a second, profiling him perhaps, and finally nodded.

"No more panicking?" Derek asked, keeping eye contact. Spencer shook his head.

Derek took Spencer's chin in his hand and lightly kissed him on the lips. "I love you just how you are." Spencer smiled and Derek winked as he kissed his cheek and stood up.

"I'll go get dressed and we'll head to the office in a few minutes." Derek walked back to the bedroom and Spencer grabbed a granola bar from the cabinet.

0-0-0

"What do you think, Reid?" Hotch asked, standing in front of the young man's desk with papers in his hands. Spencer didn't answer as his eyes looked over numerous FBI files, turning pages, and writing notes in the margins in his distinct handwriting.

"Reid."

Spencer continued reading and taking notes rapidly, going from file to file. Prentiss and Derek both yelled his name at the same time, causing the young agent to jump. Spencer looked up innocently. "What?"

"I've been talking to you for six minutes." Hotch said simply, more worry in his voice than annoyance.

"Sorry. Uh... what were you saying?"

Spencer's eyes darted around the room as Hotch spoke, but then his cell phone began to ring. Spencer snapped back to reality and he held a finger up to Hotch.

"Hold on, hold on..." Spencer stammered, hurriedly reaching for his phone with shaky hands, and completely blowing off Hotch. Hotch's eyes narrowed as he watched Reid open the phone and answer it. He quickly stood up form his chair, causing it to spin, and quickly walked out of the bullpen. Prentiss and Derek watched in confusion as Hotch turned to face them.

"What's going on with Reid?" Emily asked, mouth opened in shock. Derek shrugged, even though he knew, or had some kind of idea, but he thought they had gotten past that this morning.

A few minutes later, Spencer walked back into the bullpen, looking slightly relieved. He was completely oblivious to the stares coming from his teammates as he walked up the stairs and knocked on Hotch's office door.

He entered as he heard Hotch's gentle 'come in,' and closed the door behind him, and walked over to stand in front of Hotch's desk. Hotch placed his pen down and looked up expectantly.

"I'd like to... take the rest of the day off. If that's okay..."

"Sure." Hotch answered. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just... my head's not all here today." Hotch looked at him with his dark eyes, expecting more than that. Spence pursed his lips and dug his hands deeper into his pockets and swayed a little bit.

"I, uh... I've been... seeing somebody since the Hankel case.. a counselor... and I just need to talk to her, this is the only time she had opened today."

Hotch nodded immediately. "Take as much time as you need."

"Thanks, Hotch."

Reid rushed back down the stairs and quickly picked up his coat and bag, and almost ran out of the bullpen before anyone had any time to speak.

0-0-0

"I have Italian!" Reid entered the apartment and shut the door, happily bouncing into the kitchen and removing his bag with one hand, holding the food in the other. He walked into the living room when he didn't receive an answer, and found Derek sitting on the couch, staring at the television screen.

"Is everything okay?" Reid asked in a calmer voice, his mood immediately changing. Derek looked up at him absently and gave a crooked smile.

"Hey, kid."

Spencer slowly walked over to the couch and stepped over Derek's feet. He sat down next to Derek, closely enough to touch, and placed the food on the coffee table. "Derek?"

"Hm?" Derek hummed, eyes glued to the screen.

"Tell me what's wrong."

The air was sad and uncomfortable, Spencer felt that something was wrong as soon as he'd stepped in the door, and he couldn't shake the feeling that it was because of him.

Derek picked up the remote and turned off the television, and tossed it back down onto the coffee table. He turned to Spencer and looked him in the eye. "You're not talkin' to me."

"What?" Spencer looked at him confusedly and Derek knew that he honestly had no idea what was bothering him or what he was doing.

"Spencer," Derek began again, sighing. "If something is bothering you or if something is wrong in this relationship, _we_ need to talk about. Not you and your shrink. It's between the two of us."

"She's not my _shrink_." Spencer refuted, eyes narrowing. "I can't believe you're mad that I'm talking about things to my counselor -"

"I'm not mad you're talking to someone, babe." Derek sighed again, interrupting Spencer. "That's not what I meant at all. But if _I'm_ the problem, or something I do, you need to talk to _me_, Spence. I need to know. I need to know what to do and what not to do, we're in this relationship together."

Spencer looked away and wrapped his arms around himself. "It's nothing you did, Derek. It's not you at all. I just needed time to get used to things... It's just something new for me... I'm not as attuned to things like this, I don't know how to act on impulses and emotion... I read books and make lists and study things..." Derek could tell by the way Spencer's voice peaked and rose, and the way he was beginning to speak more rapidly that he was nearing the point where Spencer would start spouting off statistics and facts out of nervousness.

Derek grabbed his knee. "Spencer. Stop."

Spencer looked at him again. "See? I'm not any good at this." Spencer's eyes instantly glazed over and Derek had no idea what was going on, what was going through Spencer's head, and he had never seen him like this, this panicked. He had never seen him so disappointed in himself. It broke his heart.

"What's goin' on with you?" Derek asked desperately.

"You're too good for me." Spencer whispered, looking down.

That took Derek completely by surprise, he wasn't expecting that at all. He raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to say something, but it took him a minute to recover. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I just..." Spencer took in a deep breath and kept his head down. "You're so good to me, and you take care of me, and you listen, and I... I can hardly tell you how I feel without a voice in the back if my mind telling me that it's too good to be true."

Spencer wrapped his arms around himself again and hugged himself tightly, his hair hanging out of place from behind his ears. "I don't want you to wake up one day and snap out of it and realize that this isn't what you want." Spencer finished and looked up at Derek.

The expression on Derek's face was a mix of confusion and shock and sadness, and he lowered his arms from the back of the couch and the arm rest into his lap. He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to gather his thoughts. He was usually so good with words and comforting Spencer, but right now, he was just at a loss and wanted nothing more than to just hold him.

"Spencer..." He said sadly, opening his eyes and looking at the man that he loved. "I want you to believe me when I say I love you. I swear to you, you have grown to be the most important thing in my life. I take care of you because it makes me happy and it makes me feel good, and I like doing all of those things that make you happy, like watching your eyes light up when you come home and find strawberry Jell-O in the fridge, because things like that make me happy for being able to make you happy. _You_ make me happy, Spencer. You have for a very long time, and that's not going to change, it only gets stronger every day. You know those days that you come home late in the evening after seeing your counselor, and you come in every time and hug me and say you missed me... you know what I think to myself every time?" Derek watched Spencer's face as he asked that question, and Spencer shook his head slowly, his eyes pleading.

"I think to myself _this is the most amazing man alive, and he's all mine._ And we sit down and have our favorite food, and watch the same movies, and then we lay down and curl up with each other, and you just make things so much better for me, and I don't want a life without you in it. I don't want any of this to change. I want it to be you and me."

Derek stared at Spencer and he almost looked like he was going to cry. He was slouched and almost pitiful-looking, but Derek knew that what he had said was what Spencer needed to hear, and he felt slightly relieved. Before he knew it, Spencer had wrapped his arms around Derek and placed his forehead on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Derek."

Spencer rearranged his arms and hugged Derek tighter. "I'm so sorry..." He repeated, releasing a shuddering breath.

"Hey, hey... it's okay..." Derek cradled the back of Spencer's head and hugged him tightly. "I just want you to talk to me. You can tell me anything, I won't ever judge you."

After awhile of holding each other, Derek felt Spencer's breathing calm and return to normal, and he pulled back to look at Spencer. His face was red, but mainly, he just looked exhausted, but relieved nonetheless. Derek took Spencer's face in his hands and looked him directly in the eye, "I love you, Dr. Reid."

Spencer gave a small, relieved and happy smile, "I love you, too."

"Our fettuccine alfredo is getting cold."

Spencer laughed a little and nodded as Derek stood up and took the two take-out dishes to the kitchen to heat them up. Spencer stood up and went into the bedroom, changing into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and went back to sit on the couch.

Spencer tucked his hair behind his ears and sat cross-legged while he waited on Derek. When he returned, he handed Spencer his food and a fork, and popped in _The Count of Monte Cristo_ in the DVD player. He returned to the couch just in time to see the admiration and adoration in Spencer's eyes as he took a large mouthful of fettuccine.

**A/N: **This chapter... I don't know what the hell happened. I started writing it on Christmas day around midnight, hit a small writer's block, and it just kind of wrote itself. I sat down to write, and the next thing I know, it was a few hours later and I had no recollection of any of it. Originally, this ended completely different the first time I wrote it, but for some reason, I changed about two pages of it in the end. Complete opposite of the original ending. I was on a roll.

**A/N 2:** _Summer '78_ by Yann Tiersen is one of my favorite songs, and you can download it a href=".com/file/sk0zqm"here/a at Sendspace. I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. Send me some feedback, yeah? I love this chap. Sighs happily.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **If it wasn't for Miss Hanna and her amazing brainstorming, you guys wouldn't have gotten a ninth chapter D: I've had writer's block!

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Criminal Minds_.

Chapter 9

"So, Spence... in," Derek began, looking at his watch, "four hours and.... eleven minutes... We'll have two weeks vacation!" He looked up at Spencer with a huge grin and turned his wrist so that his watch was facing Spencer, even though he was standing a good ten feet away.

"What are we gonna do?" Derek asked enthusiastically, like he had never had any time off. Well, actually, none of them ever really had time off... He couldn't remember the last time he had had a nice and relaxing vacation...

He watched Spencer as he stood behind his desk in the bullpen, shuffling papers around distractedly, looking under folders and turned rapidly to look on the floor and under the desk. "Actually, I was thinking..." Spencer began, thrusting open drawers and slamming them shut again. Spencer groaned and flopped down in his office chair, mumbling to himself.

"Looking for this?" Derek asked, holding up a Bureau folder, an eyebrow raised. Spencer frowned.

"You left it on the couch this morning." Derek walked over to Spencer's desk and placed it down. "What were you thinking?"

Spencer stuffed the folder in his messenger bag along with about ten other folders and a few books. "I was thinking that maybe we could go to Vegas... You could meet my mother..."

Spencer began unnecessarily rearranging things in his bag to avoid Derek's expression. When he finally looked up, Derek's expression was one of excitement and not shock or fear like he had suspected. He should probably know by now that Derek Morgan wasn't nearly as predictable as he was.

"On one condition, Pretty Boy." Spencer watched him, waiting for his lover to finish.

"We fly business class. I can't stand those small seats." Derek winked and walked back to sit at his own desk. Spencer watched him sit down as a smile slowly formed on his face. He picked up the phone, and booked two tickets, business class, to Las Vegas, Nevada.

0-0-0

Derek and Spencer sat down in their seats on the plane and Spencer slid his bag under his seat next to the window. They both buckled their seat belts and relaxed. Derek seemed excited, but Spencer didn't really have much to say, he just looked out the window, and smiled politely when light snacks were brought down the isles.

Spencer hadn't really given this much thought. He and his mother were very close, they always have been, and other than Derek, she was the only one that he told everything to. She knew him better than anyone. He hadn't told her about the Hankel case or his addiction with Dilaudid, but she knew something was wrong when he visited her months later. He didn't know what to expect from this visit.

"We're going to have to tell the team soon, you know." Spencer said quietly as the plane was now in motion and the emergency video finished playing.

Derek looked at Spencer with excitement still in his eyes. "Yeah, I know. We'll deal with that when we get back." Spencer nodded absently and looked back out the window as the clouds below the plane passed by, bringing them closer and closer to Vegas.

0-0-0

"Dr. Reid, it's good to see you! Dr. Norman didn't tell us you were coming by." One of Diana Reid's nurses greeted as Spencer and Derek stood in front of the check-in desk.

"Oh, I didn't tell him. Wanted it to be a surprise." Spencer answered nervously, signing his name in his messy script. "Is she having a good day?"

"Yup, today's a good day. She's in there writing in her journal." The nurse answered, smiling warmly. "Let me know if you need anything."

Spencer walked towards the large common room and stopped in the doorway, digging his hands deeper in his pockets.

"Ready?" Derek asked.

Spencer nodded without looking at him. "Yeah... Yeah, come on..."

Stopping in front of the couch Diana was sitting on, Spencer put on a smile. "Hi, mom." He said, bending slightly to look at her face without removing his hands.

Diana Reid looked up from her journal. "Spencer, baby." She greeted happily, placing her hands over one another on top of her journal. Spencer sat down on the couch in front of his mother as she looked at Derek. "You must be his boyfriend. I remember you. When you had those agents kidnap me and bring me to that government building..." She finished the sentence while looking again at Spencer.

"What? My boy -" Spencer stammered, as he wrapped his arms around himself.

"A mother knows these things, baby."

Derek laughed, that genuine laugh of his that made his eyes crinkle at the corners and sparkle.

"They didn't kidnap you, mom..."

Derek looked at Spencer, still smiling. "Well, that was easy..." Spencer mumbled as Diana winked at Derek.

She patted Derek's knee. "It's nice to see you again. Under much friendlier circumstances. And, you're just in time for my scheduled trip down memory lane." She pulled out a red leather bound photo album as Spencer groaned.

"I'm going to go talk to Dr. Norman." He mumbled as he blushed, standing up awkwardly and walking between his mother and lover as she began showing Derek Spencer's childhood photographs.

Hours passed and Spencer became more and more comfortable with the situation. His mother was always the only one who had accepted Spencer as he was, he should have known that him being gay wouldn't have been any different, and that she would have loved him all the same. He looked up and smiled at his mother and Derek sitting so closely, looking at pictures of when he was young, no matter how embarrassing they were, and at how healthy his mother looked in that moment. And he just sat and watched, legs crossed on the couch as he leaned against the arm rest.

Derek looked up and caught Spencer's eye from the opposite couch, sitting next to Spencer's mother, and winked, causing Spencer's smile to only grow. He took a sip of water from his paper cup and just watched, taking in every moment, knowing that his mother wouldn't be having as good of a day tomorrow.

Before long, it grew dark outside, and Spencer and Derek decided they should go get dinner and let Diana rest, promising they would come back to visit in the next couple of days.

"Be sure to give him a tour. And take him to our favorite Indian restaurant, okay? But, Spencer?" Diana was so excited, but she paused and looked at him sternly.

"Yeah, mom?"

"Leave out all of those libraries and book stores. He probably sees plenty of those in Virginia." Derek and Spencer laughed, and they both kissed her cheek goodbye.

"Love you, mom."

0-0-0

Spencer curled up against Derek, pulling the hotel blankets up to his chin and letting his hair fall back in his face, and nuzzled his face near Derek's collar bone. He couldn't get comfortable and every time he tried, he only got closer and closer to Derek, until finally, Derek got frustrated.

"You're about to push me outta the bed, kid."

Spencer groaned, rolled back over, and tossed his head back onto his pillow. "I can't get comfortable." He whined and Derek chuckled. After a minute of just laying there, staring at the ceiling, Spencer sighed. "She was happy today. She was excited about meeting you, I wrote about you a lot in my letters."

Derek propped himself up on his elbow and looked at Spencer staring at the ceiling. "I really like her, she's one of a kind. A lot like you." Derek said, with a small smile. "I see a lot of her in you." Spencer looked at Derek then and frowned, his eyes narrowing.

"What do you mean?"

It took Derek a second to figure out why Spencer sounded so defensive. "I didn't mean the... mental illness. I just meant, she's a very intriguing woman, and she's intelligent. I see where all of your genes came from." Spencer turned back to the ceiling and blinked slowly, yawning.

"One of a kind." He repeated, the corners of his mouth turning up. "That she is..."

"Come here." Derek turned off the lamp and pulled Spencer to his chest, and began running his hand through Spencer's hair. Spencer's hair was one of Derek's favorite things about him, and he also knew that this was one of the only things that relaxed Spencer and his mind. After a couple of minutes of doing this, Spencer completely relaxed against Derek and he knew he had fallen asleep.

Derek kissed his head and closed his eyes. "I love you."

"Love you, too." Spencer said tiredly, half asleep.

0-0-0

The next morning, Derek tried to get out of bed, only to be squeezed and pulled back down.

"Nu uh." Spencer murmured, never opening his eyes, and cuddling back up with Derek. "Not yet."

Derek laughed and brushed Spencer's hair out of his face, kissing his cheek. "Babe. It's 11:30 in the morning. We slept half the day away."

"It's not half the day when you stay up until 5:00 in the morning."

"We went to bed at one."

"Whatever."

"Come on, babe. You owe me a Vegas tour and lunch at you and your mom's favorite Indian place."

Spencer groaned and pulled himself up. He hung his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes. He looked over to the clock on Derek's nightstand and frowned.

"What is that?" He asked, stabbing a finger in the direction of the clock. Derek followed his finger to the clock and smiled.

"That thing propped up in front of the clock? Oh, that's a picture of you that your mom gave me, from when you were little." Derek answered with false innocence. Spencer's frown only grew as he looked at Derek.

"You were cute." He added, leaning over and kissing his cheek as he got up to get in the shower. Spencer picked it up and looked at it, he couldn't even remember how old he was in that picture, or where it was, or who had taken it. His hair was long and disheveled even then, and he had on those huge glasses of his...

"Come on, Spence." Derek took the picture from his hand, as if reading his mind, and tucked it in his wallet. "Get ready so we can head out."

Spencer stood up as Derek got in the shower and slid on a pair of dark pants and a black button up shirt, and did nothing to his hair but rake his fingers through it. When Derek returned, he was reading a book.

Spencer looked up when he heard Derek return and smiled when he found him shirtless. He always loved it when Derek didn't wear a shirt.

"You about ready to go, Pretty Boy?" He asked, slipping on a tight white t-shirt. Spencer just watched as Derek slid the shirt over his head and pulled it down, eyes moving a mile a minute. Derek smiled and winked.

Spencer closed his book and placed it back in his bag, and stood up. "Okay. Lunch first, and then the tour."

"Sounds good to me, babe."

0-0-0

After lunch, Derek and Spencer returned to the rental car. In the driver's seat, Spencer rummaged through his bag before pulling out a CD titled 'Poses' and popped it in the CD player, and smiled to himself when it started playing.

"What is this?" Derek asked.

"Rufus Wainwright." Spencer answered shyly and put the car in drive.

Spencer drove a few blocks and pulled up in front of a small two story house. It looked like a little brick cottage, and the vinyl near the front door and roof was a light cream color. The bushes and flowers were well kept, and the grass had recently been cut.

"This was our house." Spencer said lightly, opening the door to get out and walked around the car.

"You're just goin' to go in...?" Derek asked, getting out of the car as well.

"I never sold it." Spencer answered, still walking, and looking through the keys on his key ring. He unlocked the door as Derek came up beside him on the porch, and they walked in.

Spencer stopped as he stepped through the doorway, but Derek continued walking, looking around the living room with a happy expression on his face.

"It's exactly how we left it. I just pay someone to come in and clean..." Spencer sat his bag down and looked around as well. The walls were a very light blue with cream furniture, and hundreds of books lined the empty wall space. The adjoining kitchen was white and yellow, with a small glass table for two near the marble looking counter top, and there was a small bathroom to the left of the kitchen.

"Come on." Spencer whispered, leading the way up the small staircase. There was a bathroom at the top of the stairs, and a bedroom to the left, and a bedroom to the right next to a closet. Spencer turned to the left and walked into the open bedroom.

"This was my mother's room." Spencer walked to the center of the room, stopping near the center of the fuzzy white rug. There was a full sized bed on the wall in front of him, covered in a white down comforter with white pillows, cherry furniture, and a small old fashioned television. Next to the bed, was a picture of Spencer and his mother together when Spencer was a teenager.

Spencer saw Derek looking at the picture and walked towards him. "That was about a month before I had her committed."

Derek looked up to Spencer, but he continued walking out of the room before he could say anything, but he could hear the guilt in Spencer's voice. Derek placed the frame back onto the nightstand and followed Spencer.

"This was my room, until I left for CalTech, and when I came back between semesters before I turned eighteen. I didn't really come back after she left." Derek slipped his hand in Spencer's and slightly squeezed. The bedroom was plain and resembled Spencer's office at home despite the housekeeping he hired here.

A few minutes passed before Spencer spoke again. "I want to go home." Derek squeezed Spencer's hand again and kissed him on the cheek

"We can go home whenever you want, Spence."

"Tomorrow?" Spencer asked hopefully, eyes wide.

Derek nodded. "I'll call and book the flight."

Spencer lead Derek by the hand back out to the car, and let him call and book their flight back home. Spencer got back in the car and turned it on, letting the piano music wash over him as he leaned against the steering wheel and observed his childhood home. He didn't think of this as home anymore, he didn't think of Vegas as home at all. His home was in Washington D.C. with Derek Morgan and Clooney.

"What's goin' on in that head of yours?" Derek asked, watching Spencer curiously.

"Hm?" Spencer mumbled, blinking a few times as he looked at Derek. Four songs had passed already, and all Spencer had been doing was sitting and staring into space. Derek raised an eyebrow.

Spencer looked away and put the car in drive. "We can drive by my old school, and then I just want to stop and say goodbye to my mother." Derek pushed his worries aside and nodded.

Spencer drove faster than normal. Derek couldn't tell if it was out of excitement, or out of eagerness to go home. He hoped for the first, but expected the latter. Spencer parked in the visitor parking lot of the school, but didn't get out. Derek followed Spencer's lead, but observed the old building through the windshield.

"It looks like the private school back in Chicago I always wanted to go to..."

"I hated this place." Spencer never talked about his childhood much, and Derek didn't push it. He looked over and put a goofy smile on his face.

"Where can ya get good coffee 'round here?"

0-0-0

By the time Spencer and Derek arrived at the sanatorium, it was dark and the coffee wasn't doing anyone any good.

"How's my mother today?" Spencer had found Dr. Norman passing through the lobby as they entered, and he shoved his hands in his pockets as he waited for an answer.

"She's not having as good of a day today. She's going on and on about conspiracies, you know..."

Spencer nodded and looked into the common room. Diana Reid was sitting in front of the window, looking at the stars, and just sat unmoving with her hands in her lap.

Spencer nodded again. "Tell her that Derek and I had to leave, but I'll write her, please?"

Dr. Normal nodded and patted Spencer's arm. "Of course. Have a safe trip. It was good to see you, Dr. Reid."

0-0-0

Spencer threw himself down on their bed and hugged his blankets. "I missed you, Bed."

Derek laughed at Spencer as he took his shoes off and changed into his sweatpants. "Do you do this every time you come home? This weird... ritual of yours? Hugging beds and your couch and your books...?"

"I do." Spencer said simply and innocently, closing his eyes and curling himself up even more and nuzzled his face into his pillow. He exhaled into the organic cotton pillow cases. "I forgot how soft these were." He said, his voice muffled by the cloth.

"Move over, Pretty Boy. You're on my side." Derek resorted to picking up Spencer and tossing him down onto his own side when he outstretched his arms across the width of the bed, ignoring Derek's request.

Spencer said nothing as Derek got into bed next to him. He moved back over to where he was and wrapped his arm around Derek and pulling him close, cuddling his face as close to Derek as he could manage.

"Vegas doesn't suit you. You're much more loving here at home." Derek said and winked at Spencer as he reached over to turn off the lamp. "Thank you for introducing me to your mother."

Spencer kissed Derek. "That was easy. Now it's your turn."

**A/N: **Rufus Wainwright is one of my favorite artists (and that CD is my favorite of his), and for some reason, I always imagine Spencer listening to that type of thing. Check him out if you get a chance!


	10. Chapter 9b

**A/N: **This is a song fic, but it also goes hand-in-hand with _A Well Respected Man_, just kind of as a Chapter 9b? I heard this song, and I immediately thought of Spencer and Derek.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Criminal Minds_, nor do I own the song 'Bent.' It is the work of Matchbox Twenty.

Chapter 9b

Spencer awoke early in the morning to a strange whining sound coming from... somewhere. He pushed the fog from his mind and slowly opened his eyes. At first, he saw Derek laying next to him still asleep, so his eyes kept moving, trying to find where the mysterious noise was coming from. Spencer searched the room and finally found the culprit: Clooney.

Clooney was sitting on his hind legs next to the bed, his leash in his mouth, looking up at the bed innocently, and whining. Spencer deflated, climbed his way over Derek, and stood up. He slid on pants and a button-up shirt, causing Clooney to jump up immediately and begin wagging his tale as he followed Spencer around the room as he gathered his shoes and coat.

"You're just like your daddy, you know that?" Spence asked the dog, who in response, dropped the leash at Spencer's feet.

"Acting all cute and innocent to get what you want...." Spencer bent down and attached the leash to Clooney's collar, and then tied his own shoes.

"Works, though, doesn't it?" Derek mumbled sleepily.

"Oh, good, you're awake. You can come with us." Spencer answered, shooting his own cute and innocent look at Derek, knowing he wouldn't be able to resist.

"Don't give me that." Derek said, turning his head away from Spencer's puppy-eyes look and sat up. Clooney was getting impatient and was trying his best to scramble towards the door despite Spencer's hold on his leash.

"Come _on_, Derek." Spencer was getting impatient as well. He had slept well, despite staying up late, and now he was rejuvenated and ready to go.

"I'm goin', I'm goin'..." Derek stood up and gathered his clothes, and within a few minutes, was ready to go as well.

Once outside, Clooney decided that he wanted to go the park across the street from the apartment building, instead of his usual street corner. And so, with Clooney in the lead, Derek and Spencer followed at the end of the leash.

Derek and Spencer sat down under a tree while they watched Clooney play with the other dogs in the dog park.

"You should really brush that hair sometime, Pretty Boy." Spencer frowned and self consciously ran his hand through his hair. Derek smiled and laughed. "I'm just teasin', babe."

"You like my hair..." Spencer mumbled, looking throughout the park and spotting Clooney.

"I _love_ your hair, and I love you." Spencer turned back to Derek, beaming.

"I love you, too." Spencer replied, looking back through the park to keep an eye on Clooney.

Spencer smiled at that and laid his head on Derek's shoulder. _It's so nice out today_, Spencer thought. He felt good, today was one of his good days. He hadn't felt like using in months, and it had been weeks since he felt any sadness that wasn't related to their work. He felt like he actually was recovering, and nothing was going to get in his way. He smiled to himself as all of these thoughts rolled throughout his head, and for once, his mind wasn't overwhelming.

Spencer pulled his knees closer to himself and closed his eyes as the sun rose just a little and shined on his face. He was vaguely aware of Derek talking, but he was so comfortable sitting here so close to him, and his mind was so relaxed... He was in a strange state of being at that moment. He felt tingly, like he was floating, and the sun felt so good...

But as quickly as this enlightened state came about, it was ripped away, and Spencer found himself sitting in this same position against a tree, only tied and bound, in the woods outside of Tobias Hankel's cabin. _He had been starved and tortured, and he was just coming out of a Dilaudid high when he felt his head roll down and to the side as he came to. He felt like he was dying, he knew he was going to die, and none of them were going to be there in time... Spencer coughed, and blinked rapidly as his eyes adjusted, mumbling "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." over and over again as he remembered that Tobias had left to butcher that innocent woman... --_

"Spencer!"

– _"I don't want it. I don't want it..." Spencer didn't even know anymore if he was actually talking out loud or if he was only thinking. He didn't even know if he could even think anymore. Maybe he was already dead. "You can't tell me that it doesn't help." Tobias said, injecting the needle, but it did help, Spencer thought. It did help, he knew it helped, and his head rolled back, and he was once again thrown back into the troubles of his childhood... –_

"I don't want it.... I don't want it..." Spencer mumbled over and over.

"Spencer. Wake up... Spencer... Spence!" Finally, Derek grabbed Spencer by the shoulders and shook. When his eyes shot open and he gasped for air, his eyes darted a mile a minute.

"Spencer." Derek whispered, grabbing the sides of his face and holding him steady to look in his eyes. "It was just a dream."

_If I fall along the way,  
Pick me up and dust me off.  
And if I get too tired to make it,  
Be my breath so I can walk._

Spencer relaxed slightly and continued to look around. He looked down and examined his wrists and then the tree, still almost panicking. "A dream..."

"Just a dream." Derek repeated quietly but sternly.

Spencer finally looked into Derek's eyes, close to tears, and allowed Derek to keep his hands on his face. "Can we go home." Spencer didn't even ask, he just whispered and rapidly blinked away the tears. Derek watched him for a few more seconds, but Spencer just lowered his head and waited for Derek to respond.

_If I need some other love,  
Give me more than I can stand.  
And when my smile gets old and faded,  
Wait around, I'll smile again._

_Shouldn't be so complicated -  
Just hold me and then  
Just hold me again._

Derek called Clooney over and attached his leash when he returned. Spencer stood up on wobbly legs and slipped his hand in Derek's free hand, and followed him home, keeping his eyes on the ground.

When they walked into the apartment, Derek lead Spencer to the couch and turned on the television. Spencer barely paused, he immediately sat down and laid his head in Derek's lap. He began running his hand through Spencer's hair, every so often transferring his gaze from the tv to Spencer, but decided to give Spencer time.

After twenty minutes of Derek stroking his hair, and rubbing his back, he focused on Spencer's breathing rather than the tv. "What did you dream?" Derek whispered.

_Can you help me I'm bent.  
I'm so scared that I'll never  
Get put back together...  
You're breaking me in.  
And this is how we will end  
With you and me bent._

Spencer's breath caught in his throat and he sank himself further into the couch and closer to Derek. "The cabin." He sniffed and rubbed his eyes, but then laughed morbidly. "It's funny how you think you're over something, and then something as simple as a tree brings it all rushing back..."

Derek brushed Spencer's hair out of his face. "A tree? What are you talking about?"

_If I couldn't sleep could you sleep?  
Could you paint me better off?  
Could you sympathize with my needs?  
I know you think I need a lot._

"I was just," Spencer took in a deep, shuddering breath, "sitting there against the tree, and when I closed my eyes I was back at his cabin, tied up to the tree..."

"Those memories will always be there. I don't know how to make it better." Derek said sadly.

_I started out clean but I'm jaded.  
__Just phoning it in,  
Just breaking the skin.  
Can you help me I'm bent.  
I'm so scared that I'll never  
Get put back together...  
You're breaking me in,  
And this is how we will end -  
With you and me bent..._

"I know. You don't need to make it better. But at least now I have someone to wake up to." Spencer smiled. "It doesn't really bother me too much anymore. I mean, it bothers me, but I've learned a lot..." He pulled the necklace out from under his shirt for Derek to see. "Haven't taken it off yet." Spencer smiled again, and Derek smiled back, bending his head down to kiss the side of Spencer's head.

_Start bending me.  
Its never enough.  
I feel all your pieces.  
Start bending me.  
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in._

"You know something?" Spencer asked, curling himself up again just a little bit, and nuzzling his head back in Derek's lap.

"What's that?" Derek started smoothing Spencer's hair down again, running his hand through the softness of his dark brown hair.

"You're the reason I haven't relapsed."

Derek didn't know what to say to that, so he didn't say anything at first. He didn't know what to think, or whether or not that revelation was a good thing. He tensed and looked down at the back of Spencer's head. "It would hurt me more knowing that I hurt you, and I wouldn't be able to live with that."

_Shouldn't be so complicated.  
Just touch me and then  
Just touch me again._

Derek removed his hand from Spencer's head, and placed it on top of Spencer's that was sitting on Derek's knee, and intertwined their fingers. Spencer closed his eyes and sighed, loving how Derek always seemed to understand _exactly_ what he always meant.

_Can you help me I'm bent.  
I'm so scared that I'll never  
Get put back together._

"You know what I think?" Derek asked after a few minutes.

"What?" Spencer answered quietly.

"I think we saved each other."

_You're breaking me in.  
And this is how we will end -  
With you and me bent._

* * *

**A/N: **Chapter 10 will be up soon, I'm having some trouble with this one because I screwed up a few things, and got some time-references messed up. Hope you enjoyed Chapter 9b/Chapter 10 Part 1! Review, yeah?


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: **Enjoy Chapter 10! I have the next 5 or so chapters already planned out!

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Criminal Minds_.

Chapter 10

_Today is the day _Derek thought to himself. _Today's the day I'm calling home to tell Mama and Des and Sarah..._ But Derek had been telling himself that _today is the day_ for the past twelve days.

Derek sighed and fixed his gaze onto the ceiling, crossing his arms over his bare chest, and gave up all hope on going back to sleep. As of this morning, at 4:12, it had been twelve days since he had told himself that he was going to tell his mother and sisters about him and Spencer, and he was determined that today was the day he'd pick up that phone.

Derek looked over to his right and smiled when he saw Spencer laying there, curled up and facing him in his man-made cocoon of blankets; his dark curly hair sticking up all over the place, his porcelain skin illuminating against the dark blankets... _Spencer Reid_, Derek though, _my best friend and lover_. They would understand.

But what if they didn't understand? What would he do then?

Before he even knew what he was doing, Derek flung the blankets off of himself, they were smothering him, and he sat himself up on the side of the bed. He winced when he realized how noisy he was being, and looked over his shoulder at Spencer. Spencer was a light sleeper, there was no way he hadn't felt any of that... _Maybe he doesn't want me to know he's awake. He's always been a freak for privacy_...

Derek stood up and pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, picked up his cell phone from the nightstand, and left the bedroom, quietly closing the door behind him. He sat down on the couch and opened his phone as Clooney lifted his head off the couch cushion to examine Derek before laying back down, uninterested.

"Derek. Baby. It's 4:30 in the morning..." His Mama said tiredly after the second ring.

"I know, Mama. I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you."

She was quiet for a minute, and Derek could almost imagine her sitting up in bed with her curlers in her hair.

"What's wrong, Derek?" She asked after a minute or two, sounding awake and alarmed.

"Nothing's wrong, Mama... I just... Wanted to tell you something." He paused, waiting for her to say something, but thought better of it. "I'm... in a relationship." He finished quickly.

"Well, that's great, Derek!" She exclaimed excitedly, a smile in her voice. "But why couldn't this wait until later?"

"I've been thinking about how to... explain... for a few days now... I'm in a relationship with -" Derek took in a deep breath, and closed his eyes, imagining Spencer in the next room curled up in the blankets. A small smile formed on his lips and all he wanted more than anything right now was to be in there and curled up with him. "Another man." Derek finished confidently.

Derek opened his eyes, expecting his mother to say... something. But she didn't and it was silent for what seemed like forever.

Finally, he heard some static and slight movement on his mother's end, and she finally spoke. "And you're happy?" She asked. She didn't sound as excited as before, but oddly relieved.

"I'm very happy, Mama." She sighed almost happily, and whispered 'okay' a few times, almost as if she was reassuring herself.

"Do I know this boy?"

"Actually, you met him before when the team came to Chicago. Dr. Spencer Reid..."

Derek's mother let her excitement get the best of her for a moment. "_Oh_. He was so _adorable_!"

Derek laughed at that and he felt like the biggest weight had been lifted from his chest. Derek thought for a moment, and laughed even harder when he imagined Spencer's expression if he knew what his mother had said. She laughed for a minute, too, but then she became silent again.

"Derek," she began, taking on a serious tone again. "Baby. You don't have to be afraid to tell me anything. I'm your mother, and I'll love you no matter what. As long as you're happy, I'm okay with this."

"Thank you, Mama."

"And I'll talk to your sisters."

"I love you."

0-0-0

Derek flung himself onto the bed happily, mainly because he wanted to wake Spencer up without officially _waking him up_. He got grumpy whenever Derek did that. Derek pushed himself up to eye-level with Spencer, and watched him with a huge grin on his face, only inches away.

"Stop that." Spencer said tiredly, opening one eye and examining Derek. He noticed Derek's demeanor and his face completely changed. "How can you possibly be this happy and energetic this early in the morning? Throwing blankets around and flinging yourself across -"

Derek's smile grew even wider and he interrupted Spencer with a sloppy kiss on his lips. "I wasn't flinging myself across anything."

"You flung yourself off the bed!"

"I did no such thing." Derek's eyes squinted with happiness, offering that genuine smile that Spencer loved so much, and he lightened up when he realized that nothing would make Derek any less happy at that moment, nor would Derek let him go back to sleep.

"What's going on?"

"I just talked to my mom. And I told her."

Spencer thought for a moment and his eyes narrowed. "This early in the morning?"

Derek nodded innocently and waited for Spencer to answer. Spencer didn't say anything, however, and just closed his eyes, sinking deeper into his blankets. Derek watched as Spencer fell back to sleep, too happy to really care. He would probably never admit it to Spencer, but he loved to watch him sleep. He settled back into the blankets as well, what Spencer left of them anyway, and stared at the ceiling, and waited. Any minute now -

"Wait, you did what?"

Derek grinned, he was right on time. He calmly looked back over to Spencer, who had his eyes wide opened. After living with each other for quite some time, and spending almost every waking minute together, let alone the years prior that they had worked together, Derek had memorized every little detail about Spencer, including his visible thought processes. The more and more he noticed, the more and more he fell in love with Spencer Reid. Derek chuckled.

Spencer took that as an affirmative response. "And she's okay with it?"

"She said as long as I was happy, she'd be okay. She said you were _adorable_." Derek elongated the word 'adorable' and said it in his mother's feminine and cooing voice. Spencer frowned. "But she's okay. She said she'd talk to my sisters, and she wants you to come with me to Chicago next time I go back."

"Which is when?"

"Easter, probably. Mama always has this huge Easter dinner.... What's wrong?" Derek stopped and noticed Spencer's frown deepen.

"I don't do well at things like that... Family dinners and holiday stuff..."

"Just be your _adorable_ self, you'll be perfect, and you'll be with me."

Spencer continued looking into Derek's eyes for a minute and moved his arms under the blankets, moving himself over to cuddle with Derek. "No ditching me with family members." He mumbled quietly, closing his eyes again, and sighed happily. He could feel Derek's happiness and relief, and it relieved him to know that nothing was bothering Derek anymore. "Now we have to tell the team."

"We'll do that the first day back." Derek said, wrapping his arm around Spencer's shoulders and kissing his head.

"Can't believe you were flinging yourself around at 4:12 in the morning..." Derek swatted the back of Spencer's head, and they both laughed tiredly.

0-0-0

It was Monday morning. The first day back to work after two weeks vacation. It was also the day that Derek and Spencer vowed to tell the team.

Derek and Spencer got ready in silence. Nothing was hardly even said – they woke up, said good morning, and that was that. It was unspoken. Nothing but nervousness and fear filled the atmosphere.

Spencer showered, taking as long as he possibly could. He returned to the kitchen, taking almost ten minutes to prepare his mug of coffee, and another ten minutes to cross the kitchen and enter the living room to fetch his bag and numerous folders and books, stopping along the way to readjust things that he thought were out of place.

"Maybe I should drive." Spencer said tiredly as they were locking up the apartment.

"Why, so we can take twenty extra minutes in _your_ crap car to get to the office?" Derek asked playfully, eyebrows raised.

"That was the point..."

"Hey, things will be fine." Derek squeezed Spencer's shoulder. "You'll see. Especially after Garcia works her magic." Derek winked.

0-0-0

"Good mornin'" Derek greeted JJ, Emily, and Penelope happily as he walked into the bullpen, followed by Spencer, who kept his eyes to the ground. Derek dropped his stuff off at his desk, and Spencer did the same with his bag, and immediately placed his hands back into his pockets.

Derek motioned for Spencer to follow him with a quick jerk of his head, ignoring all of the curious stares from the girls as they made their way up the stairs and to Hotch's office. Emily shot JJ and Penelope a strange glance with her eyebrows up, and Garcia responded with wide eyes and a squeal.

"My girls, is this what I think it is?" She squealed and clapped enthusiastically. " I think it is!" Garcia jumped up and down in place and the three of them watched as Derek knocked on Hotch's door, and the two men entered the office, and shut the door behind them.

0-0-0

Hotch looked at Derek expectantly, ignoring Spencer for a second, being as though Derek had purposely, or possibly unconsciously, placed himself in front and was clearly the one who would be doing most of the talking.

Hotch's eyes flickered to Spencer who was standing a few inches behind and to the left of Derek, hands deep in his pockets, looking around the familiar office nervously.

"Is everything okay, Morgan?"

"Yeah, yeah, we just... Spencer and I thought we should tell you something. The team."

Hotch raised an eyebrow and continued to stare. _He's going to make this as difficult as he possibly can_, Derek thought.

Derek cleared his throat and took in a deep breath. Spencer had never seen him this nervous or uncomfortable, Derek had always made fun of him for being so socially awkward, and now, here Derek was, fidgeting under Hotch's intense stare...

Spencer let out a small laugh, getting lost in his thoughts, and almost forgetting the situation at hand. Derek turned around and looked at him, partially curious, and partially angry and pleading for help, and Hotch looked at him as well, almost like he _knew_...

Spencer's lips twitched and he tried to hide his smile. "Sorry..." He looked away from Derek and focused his attention to the floor.

Derek looked back to Hotch and Spencer saw as he counted off _1-2-3_ on his fingers that were hidden to the side of his leg. "Reid and I are in a relationship." He blurted at the end of _3_.

Hotch continued to stare with a raised eyebrow and placed his arms on his desk. He stared at Derek another second, and then transferred his stare to Spencer, who had looked up when Derek had spoken.

"I know."

"Oh... uh..." Derek didn't know what to say, he just stood there dumbly.

"We have company. Don't let Strauss find out." Hotch gave a small smile, as good of a smile that anyone would ever get from Hotch, and tilted his head towards the office door.

Derek turned around and saw the girls standing there, just in time for Garcia to squeal loudly and run over to the first person she got to. "Oh my _God_! I _knew_ it! Our genius-baby! Oh, _Morgan_!..." She grabbed Spencer and squeezed, right after giving him a small wink that almost went unnoticed. She took him by surprise and awkwardly patted her back, looking over her shoulder at Hotch with a _save me_ look.

Hotch laughed and came to stand with the rest of the team, including Rossi who had decided to join them after Prentiss ran off to tell him the news.

"It's about damn time." Rossi said, exasperated. "Garcia's been on about this for months." Garcia squealed again in agreement.

A second later, Spencer's mind processed the wink and the look Garcia gave him, as well as the words coming out of Rossi's mouth. "Thanks, Garcia." Spencer whispered in her ear. He had almost forgotten talking to Garcia months ago about his feelings for Derek, even though she had pretty much beat it out him before Valentine's Day. He knew that she had been warming the team up to this...

"I think he's about to pass out, baby girl." Derek said, motioning to Spencer who was still in her awkward embrace.

"What?" She asked, pulling away from Spencer for a split second with a huge grin, and then looking to Derek. "Morgan!" She let go of Spencer and ran to Derek, arms open. "Come on, sweetcheeks, you gotta give me the scoop!" She took him by the hand and led him out of the office and into her bunker, leaving Spencer standing there awkwardly among the team.

He rocked back and forth for a second, hands deep in his pockets, looking from face to face. He drew his lips into a line, and then spoke. "Yeah, so, uhm... I have some paperwork to finish..." He hurried out of the room and down into the bullpen, leaving JJ and Emily laughing in excitement, and probably also because of his awkwardness. He was free for now, at least until Garcia returned.

He crossed his legs under himself in his office chair, and opened the first folder. He had actually finished all of his work at home over vacation, he had nothing to do but sit and act like he was working.

"What's wrong, Reid? Doesn't look like unfinished paperwork to me." Prentiss teased, sitting on the side of Spencer's desk. Spencer frowned. "I.. uh..." Emily smiled at him, a genuine smile, not teasing, and placed her hand on his shoulder for a split second. "You're good for each other." She said quietly and went back to her own desk. He smiled to himself and found Rossi standing at the railing of the hallway leading to his and Hotch's office, looking down into the bullpen. He smiled at Spencer and returned to his office.

Spencer was feeling more and more relieved as time passed, and he pulled out a book from his bag. He had just started page 847 when he was brought out of his thoughts and to a nearby conversation.

"Come on, baby girl, give the kid a break."

"Reid! Get your cute little butt in here!"

Spencer looked up and blinked dumbly before he realized what was going on. He placed his book down with a frown and stood up, walking towards Derek and Garcia.

"Sorry, Pretty Boy." Derek whispered. Spencer looked at him confusedly and followed Garcia into her brightly decorated lair.

"Sit." Garcia ordered. Spencer sat.

She grinned as she did some kind of excited dance with her arms and picked up a lollipop from her desk. "So you're living together at your place?"

"Why are you asking me? You already know the answer." Spencer said flatly, looking at her like he had no idea what was going on.

"Come on, you're no fun, babycakes." Spencer rolled his eyes and gave her that playful smile. "Yeah, yeah. Clooney, too." Garcia squealed for the millionth time today. There was no doubt that from this day forward, Garcia would be checking up on her boys as time passed, especially now that she realized she had been left out of the loop for so long.

Spencer reached for a lollipop and was smacked away by a hand with brightly colored nails and huge jewelry. "Hey!" Spencer gasped with a frown, holding his hand. "You're interrogating _me_, remember? I think I can have a lollipop." He took one and unwrapped it, eying her suspiciously and guarding his treat.

Derek was loving this, he never thought that the team would've handled this as well as they were. He expected as much from Garcia, but not everyone else. Things were looking up, he was so relieved to not have to hide his feelings for Spencer anymore...

"Who kissed who first?"

Spencer blushed and bit into his lollipop. "I don't remember." He said stubbornly, like a little child.

"Oh, please." Garcia answered, rolling her eyes.

"She already interrogated me, she'll just keep asking 'til you tell her. Trust me." Derek said, more amused than anything, especially at how cute Spencer looked slouched in that chair with his lollipop and pout...

"Derek kissed me first." Spencer said, grabbing another lollipop, analyzing its flavor, and exchanging it for another. "You don't have any cherry..." Spencer mumbled with a grimace, rummaging through her candy bowl.

"Well, what do you _do_? I mean... You read, and... you read..." She paused, thinking of what else. "I mean, do you just sit on the couch and read while he watches a football game?" She leaned back in her swivel chair and crossed her right leg over the other.

Spencer pursed his lips while he thought, eyes narrowing, and shrugged. "I don't know... We just have routines... I have things to do a couple nights a week and then we get Italian and watch a movie..."

"Things to do?" She asked curiously, eyebrows raised, and her grin never wavering.

"Garcia..." Derek whispered, shaking his head as a warning.

Before Garcia got a chance to change the subject or apologize, Spencer spoke, "I've been going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings, for cops. Two or three times a week." He said, like it was no big deal.

"Oh." Garcia said, taken aback. She didn't know what to say to that, that wasn't what she was expecting. "Sorry, Reid."

"Not a big deal." Spencer looked like it didn't bother him, and Derek knew him well enough to know that that look in his eye meant that he really didn't care or that it wasn't the top priority in his mind right now. Spencer bit into his lollipop nonchalantly and threw the stick in Garcia's trash can. "Anything else?"

"Uh... no, not really." Garcia answered, still taken aback, and slightly hurt by his annoyed tone.

Spencer stood up from the interrogation chair, almost angrily, and left Garcia's bunker, making his way back to the bullpen. He knew that Garcia meant well, and he loved her, and honestly, he didn't know why he was so upset over all of this all of a sudden. After awhile, he actually started to like having something to hide, having something that the team didn't know about. Now they knew everything, and what they didn't know about Spencer's meetings, they would know soon enough.

"I didn't know." Garcia whispered to Derek sadly.

"I know, it's okay. He's okay. You know how he is." Derek winked at her. "Love ya, baby girl." Derek kissed her cheek and left the bunker as well and returned to the bullpen, noticing Spencer back at his desk working on paperwork that hadn't been there this morning. Spencer never looked up, just continued writing and underlining and flipping page after page.

After a few minutes, Spencer got up and took his completed paper work to Hotch's office, quietly returned with his eyes glued to the floor, and sat back at his desk, downing the rest of his cold coffee. Derek waited for him to get up to refill his coffee, which he knew he would any minute now, before he decided to confront him about this morning.

Finally, he stood, frowning, and passed Derek's desk to the break room, giant mug in hand. Derek watched Spencer from the doorway, his lanky body leaning against the counter as he poured the dark liquid in his mug, and then dumping spoon after spoon of sugar into it.

"I'm sorry about earlier." Derek said simply. He noticed Spencer relax slightly, possibly out of defeat, and Spencer sighed.

"Nothing to be sorry about." Spencer said, stirring his coffee absently as he continued to look down at it. "I just wasn't ready for everyone to know yet." Spencer added. "I mean, Hotch already knew... But he's my boss, but I wasn't ready for the rest of the -"

"Hey." Derek interrupted Spencer's rapid and panicked talking, which was sure to lead to some kind of lecture, and stepped further into the break room, a few inches away from where Spencer was standing. "They'll understand. This is our family we're talkin' about."

Spencer nodded and calmed himself down, placing the spoon in the sink. "Emily said we're good for each other." He said quietly after a moment, finally looking up to Derek with a small smile on his face as he took a sip of his coffee.

Derek flashed a smile at Spencer, _his Spencer_, and placed a hand on his shoulder to steer him back to the bullpen. "Come on, Pretty Boy. The sooner we finish up this work, the sooner we can get to _The Count of Monte Cristo_." Spencer laughed happily as he received his second wink for the day.


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: **Sorry it's taking me longer than usual to get these chapters up – I'm swamped this new semester! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Criminal Minds_. Boo.

Chapter 11

Derek sat uncomfortably in the hospital chair that was still working on its way to deflating under his weight. He continued clasping his hands and entwining his fingers, creating various shapes to keep himself moving, and refusing to look up at the thin and fragile form lying in the bed.

The constant _beep... beep... beep_ that was emanating from the machines did nothing to keep Derek's mind in the here and now, he merely kept his head bowed, and thought. He had considered calling his mother, but he knew it would only make her worry about the two of them, and he didn't think anyone could make him feel okay right now.

His head snapped up when he heard a gasp and a sharp intake of air, and when he saw Spencer's face, his heart shattered into a million pieces. His face was contorted in nothing but pure agony, and as soon as he saw Derek, he shut his eyes again, squeezing them shut as he tried his hardest to push himself up in a seated position as his eyebrows furrowed dangerously low.

Derek abruptly jumped up and made his way to Spencer's side. "Hey, kid." He said softly, looking his lover over – his terribly thin and unhealthy looking body almost a part of the mattress, his disheveled and tangled hair, and the dark skin under his eyes more prominent and unhealthy looking.

Spencer slowly and painfully reopened his eyes and looked up to Derek. "What did they put me out with?"

"They had to, you were... shot in the chest... they had to operate immediately, and you looked so -"

"_With what?_" Spencer's angry voice brought Derek back from his wandering thoughts, brought him out of his intense worry and panic, and Derek looked at him with sadness and compassion in his eyes. He lifted his hand and smoothed down Spencer's hair, just relishing in the fact that Spencer was right here, just a few inches away, awake, _alive_...

"I don't know."

Spencer clenched his jaws and turned his head to look straight ahead, ignoring Derek's touches and strokes. Derek maintained the silence, giving Spencer a few minutes to get his thoughts together as images from the previous day flashed through his head. _The UNSUB in New York shooting Spencer in the chest... Spencer looking at his wound as if he almost couldn't believe it as his hand shakily found its way to apply pressure... Spencer's legs giving out as he dropped to his knees and his eyes fluttered shut, all before Derek could get to him..._

_Why the hell didn't you put your damn vest on quicker, Reid?_

"The doctors know what they're doing, Spence. They'll just give you enough so you're not in pain."

Spencer knew what they gave patients for operations, and he knew what they gave patients for pain. He knew the dosages and the miligrams. He bit his lip forcefully as he tried to push his thoughts aside – he had felt that familiar ache, that _hunger_, before he even opened his eyes moments ago.

Spencer wanted to snort and roll his eyes, but his entire body felt like it was on fire. Just blinking and inhaling felt like it would make his bones turn to dust.

"I'd like to be left alone for awhile." Spencer said simply and quietly, sounding withdrawn. He felt Derek's hand stop it's stroking, and he could almost feel the worry and hurt flowing out of his body, but he was in too much pain to try to open his mouth again to correct it.

Derek stood there for a minute and watched him. He couldn't read any emotion on the young man's face, and Spencer did nothing to even acknowledge his presence. Derek picked up his jacket from the back of the chair and made his way to the door before turning around with his hand on the door knob.

"I love you, Spence. I'll be back later to check on you."

Derek waited another second, hoping to receive some kind of reaction from Spencer, but he just kept his eyes to the blankets, looking lost and sad. Derek opened the door and left, closing it behind him.

When Spencer heard the door close, his eyes found their way to the IV in his arm. He glared at it and imagined ripping it out, but as soon as that image entered his mind, it was taken away and replaced by an old memory – _sitting on his bed, the Dilaudid rushing through his veins as his head tipped back with a small, pleasured moan. He slowly fell back onto his bed in an awkward half-lying, half-sitting position, and remained in his drug-induced sleep for close to twelve hours_...

Spencer reached over; ignoring the pain that was shooting through his body, and hit the button to call the nurse. He needed something. He smiled to himself – he needed to sleep.

0-0-0

Derek met the rest of the team outside of Reid's room and sighed as he felt Hotch's intense stare fall upon him. He put his jacket on, suddenly cold, and rubbed his hands over his face, trying to wake himself up.

"He woke up and as soon as he got his head together, he asked what medicine they used to knock him out for surgery. He won't talk anymore, he said he wanted to be left alone."

Hotch's gaze softened as he looked around the hospital, automatically going into 'team leader' mode. He knew what Reid had gone through after Tobias Hankel, and what he's been going through since. His heart ached for the young agent who had found his way into the team as not only the genius everyone relied on for information and profiles, but also as the one who they all confided in and talked to, because he was so easy to talk to... he was the younger brother and young son...

He soon realized that there was nothing he could do, nothing the team could do, but sit here and wait or go home and get some sleep. Rossi had taken out the UNSUB as soon as shots were fired, the families and public had been notified, and all that was left was final paperwork.

As if reading his mind, Derek spoke. "You guys should go home and get some sleep, I don't think he'll want to see anyone tonight. I'll call you as soon as anything changes." Hotch hesitated, but nodded once Rossi put his hand on Hotch's shoulder.

"Get some rest, too, Morgan."

Derek nodded and sat down in a chair in front of Spencer's room as Hotch ordered the team to go home and get some rest. He slouched down and laid his head against the wall as he noticed a nurse walking his way. He watched her go into Spencer's room and return shortly after, giving him a polite smile.

A few minutes later, Derek walked back into Spencer's room and found Spencer lying back down, dead asleep and appearing to be pain-free. He stood by Spencer's side and bent down to kiss his forehead, looking at how peaceful he finally looked, and then kissed both eyes before settling back in the hospital room chair.

0-0-0

Two mornings later, Derek walked into Spencer's room with two cups of coffee. Spencer tiredly took his cup from Derek's outstretched hand and sat back down on the edge of the bed. He kept his head low as his hair dangled in his face and he stared at his cup. Derek eyed him worriedly as he took a gulp of his own coffee, taking in his tired features and depressed-looking posture.

"Ready to go home, Pretty Boy?" Spencer nodded absentmindedly and sipped at his coffee. He was already dressed, complete with mismatched socks, and now he just had to wait for his doctor to return for his final check-up.

When the doctor finally walked in, he politely asked Derek for some privacy, and checked Spencer's healing wound, blood pressure, and everything else before he was satisfied with Spencer's recovery. He gave Spencer an ice pack sling and explained how to use it while resting and for how long, and administered the rest of his directions for a successful recovery.

"Would you like a pain killer prescription? I don't know how comfortable you'll be at home with that type of wound."

Spencer bit his lip and thought. It seemed like his mind had split into two parts: one part saying _no, Spencer, you'll be fine, you'll be with Derek, just rest_... and the other was nagging and spiteful and mocking _oh, come on, Spencer, just this one bottle won't do any harm. It'll just take the edge off so that you can rest and heal... No harm in that... _

Spencer remained deep in thought as he loosened his tie. _I'll just use it for my recovery_, he thought. _This doesn't go against my sobriety, it's prescribed by a doctor. I'm recovering. It won't get out of hand._ The hunger began to rise, that little hungry growl in the back of his mind, that _itching_. A small smile formed on his face.

"Yeah. I'll take it."


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: **A lot of research went into this chapter, sorry in advance for any mistakes!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Criminal Minds_.

Chapter 12

Spencer sat himself down delicately on the couch that he and Derek shared. He had no idea what to do with himself – Hotch had made himself perfectly clear that he was to take _at least_ two weeks off, which also meant that Derek couldn't sneak him any paper work that he was too lazy to complete himself.

Hotch had also given Derek two weeks off as well, so that he could take care of Spencer and to make sure that he did nothing to prolong his undoubtedly uneasy recovery (like consider himself the 'doctor' and clear himself for work, like he had before), given that a new case didn't arise.

Spencer sat stiffly, his back a few inches away from the back of the couch with his ice pack. He looked around and frowned. He didn't hardly like to watch television, unless it was with Derek, and the stack of books that Derek had laid out for him on the coffee table had been read hours ago. He had some work he could do in his office, but he didn't know how far he'd get typing with this type of pain, and only one arm that worked better than the other. Clooney looked content, so that wasn't an option, especially after Derek had glared at him with a raised eyebrow and leveled his eyes with Spencer's. _If I find out you've left this apartment. For anything. You're in trouble._ Spencer didn't want to find out what would come of that.

Spencer looked down at his bag that Derek had leaned up against the couch, and remembered the small orange bottle that was laying in there in the small zippered pocket. Derek had stopped him at the pharmacy on the way home a few days ago to get extra bandages, and he had the prescription filled while Derek waited in the car.

_I could take just one_, he thought. _Just one to take the edge off, and then I can sleep_. Spencer knew, though, that one would lead to two, and two would lead to four... And he would lose everything. If the team found out that he was struggling again, if it interfered, he could lose his job for good. He would lose his team and his family, he would lose Derek...

Spencer winced as a sharp throb shot through his arm, bringing him out of his thoughts, almost as his body was working against him, saying _hey, remember me? Yeah, you have something right there that will get rid of me, just take a couple_...

Spencer stood abruptly and swayed as the sudden movement made him dizzy. He wasn't going to let Derek down. At first, it had been enough for him to just have that bottle, to know that it was there and that comforted him. But in the past day or two, that hunger grew stronger, and it was unearthing old memories and old feelings, old emotions. Things that he had tried so hard to bury and to get past, with the help of the meetings, and from the unwavering support from Derek.

Before he knew what he was doing, he reached in his bag and grabbed the bottle. He struggled to open the child safety lid, but finally managed to open it. He tapped out only one pill, and examined it in his palm. For a while, that's all he did. He just stood there and stared at the small round pill. He almost laughed. It's funny how something so small can have so much power - the power to destroy people and destroy lives; something that was made for good and healing, could do so much damage...

He finally put the bottle away in his bag and went to fetch a glass of water, popping the pill in his mouth on the way to the kitchen. He made his way to the bedroom and laid down on the bed, in Derek's spot, and curled up as best as he could under the blankets.

He buried his face in Derek's pillows and cried.

0-0-0

When Derek returned home from work that evening, he found Spencer asleep on Derek's side of the bed. He leaned against the door frame and watched Spencer, who was laying on his right side with his left arm shielding his chest, with the most content look on his face.

Derek made his way over to the bed, sitting the bag of Jell-o down on the end, and sat next to Spencer, rolling him over to look at his face.

"Hey, Pretty Boy." He said quietly with a small smile.

"Hi." Was all Spencer said, before he even opened his eyes. When he finally did so and looked up at Derek, Derek's smile turned into a hard line as his eyes narrowed.

"What's wrong, Spence?"

Spencer shifted a little underneath Derek's arms and looked in his eyes. _Everything. Everything is wrong. I can't do this._

"Nothing." Spencer closed his eyes again and rolled back over, reburying his face in Derek's pillows.

Derek didn't move and continued watching Spencer, how careful he was not to jostle anything and how much pain he was obviously in.

"You've been off the past few days, Spence. Talk to me."

_I'm an addict. I'm not strong enough. I've really messed up, I'm going to mess everything up._

"I missed you. How was work?"

0-0-0

Derek didn't sleep that night. He laid there, wide awake, with Spencer in his arms. He nuzzled his face in Spencer's hair, and squeezed him closer, letting him know that he was there for his lover. Spencer relaxed a little in his arms and made a cute and relaxed sound.

Eventually, Derek couldn't stand the silence anymore, despite how late it was. "Spencer?" He whispered, running his fingers through Spencer's hair.

Spencer shifter tiredly in Derek's arms when he was awakened and gave a small groan."Yes?"

"What's been going on in that head of yours?"

A huge pang of guilt hit Spencer in the gut, and it was about all he could do to fight back the tears. His emotions had been so out of whack the past few days, he felt like he was on the verge of a breakdown. He knew he was going to break down at any given second.

"Go to sleep, Derek. Sleep is good."

0-0-0

Derek felt cold and very, very wrong.

He had stayed home with Spencer for the past three days to take care of him, and also because he felt like he could use a little vacation time as well. He had caught himself up on sleep and his paper work, and had thoroughly cleaned their apartment out of boredom. He had made dinner for Spencer last night and had gone to bed early shortly after while Spencer did... whatever it was he did in his office.

Actually, now that Derek was lying here awake and thinking about things, he couldn't remember Spencer coming to bed last night at all.

He shivered and swallowed uncomfortably. He felt very wrong.

Finally, Derek got himself out of bed and slid on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, and left the bedroom to search for Spencer.

He opened the door to Spencer's office and found it empty, except for a good half a dozen empty coffee mugs, stray papers and books. He turned around and shut the door behind him, passing the empty living room and made his way down the hallway. When he came upon the bathroom, he noticed the door was closed, and he paused and thought for a second, wondering if he should go into the bathroom or go start some coffee and breakfast.

He shifted his weight from one leg to the other and knocked on the bathroom door. "Spencer?" He called, lowering his head to look at the door knob while he waited for an answer. When he didn't receive one, he tried again. "Spencer, babe? You okay?"

Derek slowly turned the door knob and opened the door. He looked from the shower to the toilet, and finding the floor, where he saw Spencer huddle up in the corner between the toilet and the wall. He had his arms wrapped around himself and his knees pulled in tightly, and he just looked up at Derek with the biggest, saddest eyes that Derek had ever seen.

Derek's heart exploded when he saw Spencer drawn up inside of himself in the corner of the bathroom floor. "Spencer..." He whispered, sounding so sad and worried. "What happened?"

"I..." Spencer's voice trembled, he sounded so terrified. He blinked rapidly, trying to clear his vision, and looked down to his arms. "I messed up." Spencer looked back up and stifled a sob, "I really messed up, Derek."

Derek's face fell and he made his way over to Spencer, sitting in front of him on the floor. He gently took Spencer's face in his hands and looked him in the eyes, examining his pupils. He let his hands slowly fall away, stroking Spencer's clammy skin as they lowered. He reluctantly looked around the bathroom for whatever it was Spencer had gotten a hold of, and picked up the bottle of Vicodin laying to the right of Spencer.

"How many did you take, Spencer?"

"Please don't be upset with me. Please." Spencer's voice was pleading, scared.

"How many did you take!"

Spencer flinched when Derek yelled and blinked a few more times. "I... I don't remember... I... just woke up..."

Derek shook his head and looked down to the bottle that was laying in his hands. He felt numb and sad, disappointed and depressed. He couldn't believe that Spencer was putting himself through this again, after how far he had come...

"I tried... I really tried..."

Derek looked up at the sound of Spencer's voice. He was looking down at his arms absently, his eyes unfocused and unblinking. "I messed up everything."

"I kept asking you, Spencer. I asked you over and over again what was going on, why didn't you come to me?" Derek's eyes pierced into Spencer. He was so hurt. Spencer had hurt him, and Spencer was more broken than ever.

"You act like you have to do everything by yourself, you don't tell me anything. How many damn times do I have to you that you don't have to do anything alone, kid?" Derek's voice was angry again as he stood abruptly. He opened the toilet lid and dumped the bottle's contents into the bowl.

"I..." Spencer's head snapped up and his eyes grew wide. "What are you doing? I need those!"

"No you don't. You're talking like an addict." Derek said simply, almost sounding mean, and flushed the toilet. He held his hands out to help Spencer stand.

When he finally got Spencer up, he steadied him and held him by the shoulders as Reid still slightly swayed. "What would've happened if I hadn't have found you, Spencer? If I hadn't found the bottle?"

Right at that moment, during that touch and that sentiment, something snapped in Spencer and he finally broke down. His shoulders slumped forward and he hung his head shamefully and cried.

Derek pulled Spencer to him and hugged him tightly, tighter then he ever remembered hugging Spencer Reid before. He cradled his head and kissed his cheek as Spencer clung to Derek for dear life.

"I love you, Spencer. Please don't ever, ever do something like this again. You hear me?"

"I'm so sorry..." Spencer choked, readjusting his arms and hugging Derek tighter.

"I can't tell you that it's okay, but I love you. I love you more than anything, and that'll never change. Now get yourself cleaned up while I make us some breakfast. We have a lot of talking to do."

0-0-0

Derek filled Spencer's plate with eggs and bacon as Spencer tiredly sat down at their kitchen table. He hung his head and didn't move when Derek placed a cup of coffee in front of him, complete with nine teaspoons of sugar, and sat down as well with a piece of bacon hanging out of his mouth.

They ate in silence and every so often, Derek would see Spencer look at him almost hopefully, and look back down when he thought Derek saw him.

"Can we get out of the house?" Spencer asked quietly as he finished his breakfast. "I can't be in here anymore, I'm going crazy."

"Sure, Spence." It hadn't even occurred to Derek that maybe keeping him pinned up in the apartment for a little over a week, despite it being out of protection, wouldn't be good for him. "Get your jacket and we'll go to that coffee shop you like."

0-0-0

Spencer slowly slid into his booth as Derek stood at the counter to order their coffee. He sat near the window and rested his head on his hand, looking out to the street and architecture. He could barely keep his eyes open, and he was vaguely aware of the noise and commotion around him.

Derek touched the side of his arm as he slid into his side of the booth, eying Spencer worriedly as Spencer lifted his head and took his cup of coffee with a small, grateful smile.

They remained silent for awhile as they both sipped their coffees. Derek knew how this worked with Spencer. He'd stay quiet and act nonchalant, and eventually, the guilt would overwhelm Spencer and he'd spill his soul. He knew better to push him – he had to gather his thoughts and emotions on his own and make sense of them...

"Derek?" Spencer asked softly, spinning his cup in his hands. Derek looked at Spencer softly and waited for him to continue.

"I don't really know why I did what I did, I don't remember what went through my head last night... I just..." Spencer paused and tipped his head to the side and continued examining his cup. "As soon as I woke up in the hospital, before I even opened my eyes and realized where I was... I could feel the withdrawals, and I saw the look in your eyes, and I just couldn't stand it.... I had gotten so far and then just like that, I was back where I started, and I just couldn't take it. I couldn't handle it... So I called the nurse in and I told myself _just while I'm in the hospital, so I can sleep_. And I knew, cognitively, that it wouldn't just be for that period of time, and then the doctor asked me if I wanted a prescription.... I wanted so badly to say no, but I just _couldn't_...."

"Listen to me, Spencer. Hankel was the one that shot you up with Dilaudid. That wasn't your fault. If it wasn't for him, you would never be in this situation."

Spencer finally looked at Derek with an almost pitied look. "It wasn't my fault then, but it's certainly my fault now." He looked at Derek for a second longer, but then lowered his gaze. "I didn't tell you when you asked because that would make it real and that would make me weak. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this alone and I can't lose you."

"Spencer." Derek leaned across the table, pushing his coffee cup aside, and making it a point to look Spencer in the eyes. "You are one of the strongest people I have _ever_ met. You're not gonna lose me."

Spencer kept his eyes to the table and pressed his lips together, fighting back tears. "I told you that I would be here for you, and I'll be here for you through everything. I mean that."

Spencer just nodded and finally looked up. "I'm sorry." He apologized again. He wanted nothing more than to be forgiven – he couldn't throw away his life and everything he had worked towards.

"And I won't tell Hotch. On the condition that you go to Dr. Fitzgerald and a meeting first thing." Spencer's breath hitched and he looked at Derek like a kid who was being punished, with those giant brown eyes.

"Okay, Spencer?"

Spencer bit his lip as his eyes darted around the crowded coffee shop. It was suddenly so crowded and so very loud and overwhelming. Everything seemed so far away and everything around him was spinning...

"Spencer?" He could hear Derek calling his name worriedly, but at the same time, he could barely hear anything at all. He grasped the side of the table in front of him to steady himself and squeezed his eyes shut to get his head together.

Derek reached across the table and grabbed Spencer's face, slightly shaking him to get his attention. "Spencer. Open your eyes. Look at me."

Spencer frowned as the slight movement made his head spin even faster. The ringing in his ears became louder, drowning out the outside noise.

"I think..." Spencer took in a deep, shaky breath. "I think we should go home..."

Derek didn't hesitate. He left their coffees on the table and lifted Spencer's arm from the table to lead him out of the booth. He helped Spencer stand and lead him out to the car, helping him inside. Spencer sighed and rested his head against the back of the seat, eyes closed.

Derek got in behind the wheel and started the car, looking over to Spencer. "You okay?"

Spencer licked his lips and wiped his sweaty palms down his pants legs. "Can you -" Spencer couldn't finish his sentence, but made a circular motion with his finger, motioning towards the window. Derek rolled down his window and put the car in drive.

"Need to go to the hospital?"

"No. Just... sleep..."

0-0-0

Spencer almost collapsed on the bed, drunkenly rolling over onto his stomach and burying himself in pillows and blankets. The dizziness had subsided but the ringing in his ears was more than distracting.

"What's happening, Spencer?"

Spencer squinted at the dim light and rolled his head towards Derek's voice. "Vicodin has numerous common side effects. Dizziness, unconsciousness, hyperventilation, nausea, altered mental state..." Spencer trailed off and closed his eyes again. "I'm sorry, Derek. Please don't be upset with me..."

Derek sighed and got into bed next to Spencer, wrapping him up in his arms. He moved the hair from Spencer's face and kissed his forehead, looking at his delicate features, feeling him breath. "I'm just worried about you, Spencer. I need you to be okay."

Spencer partially opened his eyes and lifted his head an inch or two from the pillow and met Derek half way, planting a quick kiss on his lips. "I'll go to a meeting this week." That sentence took all of Spencer's remaining energy, and he laid his head back down and closed his eyes.

Sighing deeply and curling into Derek, he buried his face in Derek's neck and said "I'm sorry I let you down." And fell asleep before Derek was able to respond.


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: **Here's chapter 13, hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Criminal Minds_.

**Chapter 13**

Derek Morgan's eyes slowly fluttered open as dim light found its way into his and Spencer's bedroom. He hadn't felt Spencer stir all night, and when he looked over to him, he noticed that he was still in the same position as when he had fallen asleep the previous night. Spencer was lying on his right side with his left arm wrapped protectively over his chest, and curled into himself underneath the blankets.

Derek leaned over Spencer, placing a hand on either side of his thin body and peered down at him, taking in the shadows and highlights that the light displayed on the young man's face, and just stared. He was wearing one of Derek's t-shirts and the large neck of the shirt left Spencer's neck and collar bone exposed. Finally, he gently brushed the hair from Spencer's face and whispered his name.

"Hm?" Spencer hummed sleepily, never opening his eyes.

"Get ready. I wanna take you out." Derek said, keeping his voice calm and soothing. Spencer opened his eyes, maintaining a straight face, and looked Derek in the eye, questioning his motives. _He can't act like everything is okay_, Spencer thought. _I hate myself for this, why is he acting like everything is okay_... Spencer still felt faint traces of his bad reaction to the Vicodin, nothing much except extreme fatigue, but he felt like he should be punished, that Derek should do... _something_. Something should be done for doing this to himself and to Derek, and everything else he had worked so hard for.

"Why?" Derek could hear the guilt in Spencer's small voice, the first word he had spoken since last evening, and he could feel him ashamedly sinking into the bed.

"Because you deserve it, Spence."

Spencer frowned at that. "I'm really tired, Derek..."

"You've been sleeping for almost fifteen hours. You're pretty enough." Derek moved back to his side of the bed then, adding "come on" quickly and grabbing Spencer's hand as he got himself up from bed. Spencer sighed, more out of exhaustion rather than exasperation, and forced himself to get up.

When Spencer stood, he steadied himself and opened his eyes to see Derek standing in front of him. He wrapped him up in a hug and kissed Spencer's cheek. "You don't have to beat yourself up, Spence. You've been through a lot, and no one blames you for _anything_. We can get through this."

Spencer nuzzled his face in Derek's neck and sighed, this time out of relief. "You shouldn't treat me like this."

"Treat you like what?"

"Like I didn't do anything wrong." Spencer tightened his embrace, expecting Derek to scold him, but he said nothing. Instead, Derek just lightly pushed Spencer away and held his shoulders, looking him in his big, light brown eyes, and kissed him.

"I love you. Go get ready. We'll take a small road trip somewhere. How about the mountains? We can make a day trip out of the mountains..."

0-0-0

Derek wasn't really sure why he had offered to go to the mountains, the thought hadn't even crossed his mind until the words were coming out of his mouth, but Spencer liked the mountains, so that was reason enough for him.

Derek stole a glance at Spencer, who was sitting in the passenger seat, slouched down with a book opened in his lap.

"Put a CD in or somethin', man. It's too quiet." Derek said, breaking the silence as he rearranged his hands over the steering wheel.

Spencer looked up when Derek spoke and looked at the CD player that was in between the two of them in the dashboard.

He frowned at it, realizing what Derek had said. "What do you want to listen to?"

"Just pick somethin'."

Spencer pulled out one of his mixed CD's from within his bag, opened the case and popped the CD in, immediately returning to his book, flipping page after page.

Derek was now content. Spencer seemed relatively normal again and he wasn't picking up too much negativity from him that wasn't expected, and he always loved to have Spencer pick the music. He always loved to learn something new about Spence...

The light and mellow music began playing, the slow acoustic beat began to fill the car, and a small smile formed on Spencer's lips when Jackie Greene's voice began to sing...

_I don't live in a dream._

_I don't live in a dream._

_I don't live inside a land forgotten._

_I don't live in a dream_...

Spencer closed his book with finality and shoved it back in his bag. He sat himself up in the seat, sighed, and looked out the window at the scenery. He always loved to observe the dramatic changes as you drive out of the city and towards the mountains of Virginia – it was almost like you reached a well-defined line outside of D.C., and all of a sudden, you have nothing but trees and rolling hills.

Spencer closed his eyes as Derek headed West, allowing the sun to penetrate every cell in his body. The sun hadn't been out in days, typical weather in Virginia in the middle of winter, and he was grateful for the sun's presence today.

"You okay, Spence?"

"Mhm." Spencer replied, keeping his eyes closed. Derek smiled and returned his focus to the road ahead.

"Where do you find all of this music you listen to?"

Spencer turned to Derek when he had spoken. "You don't like it?"

"No, I do. I was just wondering. It suits you." Spencer smiled lightly again and looked to the CD player. He thought for a minute, remembering old memories.

"Ethan gives me most of it, things he thinks I'd like. He's usually right."

"Ethan, your friend in New Orleans?" Spencer nodded.

Derek thought back to that time they were in New Orleans for a case, not too long after everything that happened with Hankel, and when Spence intentionally skipped the flight for the case and ignored everyone's phone calls. Gideon had suspected he'd be at that jazz club in New Orleans with his friend, whom he now knew as Ethan. He didn't know much about him then, and he suspected Gideon hadn't either. All Derek knew was that they had gone to school and the FBI Academy together...

"Did you two ever, you know... date?"

Spencer laughed then, a genuine laugh, and looked back out the window. "No, no. He was my only good friend in college, and we started the FBI Academy together, but he dropped out after the first day to play jazz, and settled down in New Orleans."

"So he's like a born-again hippie, huh?"

Spencer laughed again. "Yeah, something like that, I suppose." Spencer looked back at Derek then with a serious and proud expression. "He was talking about coming up to Virginia soon for a few days. I'd like for you to meet him." There was an innocent twinkle in his eye that made Derek smile.

"Yeah, okay." Derek smiled again when Spencer smiled, and focused his attention back to driving.

0-0-0

Spencer Reid was absolutely breathtaking.

Derek had decided to go to Lurray, a small town in Western Virginia known for its caverns and spectacular landscapes, and as soon as Spencer saw the sign saying 'Welcome to Lurray!' Derek felt his entire mood shift as his eyes grew wide and puppy-like as he examined his surroundings. It was beautiful even in the winter.

As they were walking aimlessly around the side of the mountain trail where Derek had parked, it was about all Derek could do to not grab Spencer right there and wrap his arms around him and hold him as closely as possible. Spencer was wearing his usual slacks and dress shirt, only this time without a tie with the top buttons unbuttoned, with a black pea coat and his purple scarf. He walked slowly next to Derek, hands in his pockets, as the slight breeze blew Spencer's long and curly hair about his face.

Derek had to remind himself several times to pay attention and walk, and to breath every once in awhile.

"Hey, uhm..." Spencer stopped abruptly and his face fell as he stared ahead, lost in thought.

"Spence?" Derek asked, stopping as well and looking at Spencer intently, surprised at the sudden change.

"Hm?" Spencer blinked rapidly for a second, focusing on Derek, and looking confused. "Oh yeah, I uh... I have something for you..." Spencer patted his coat and pants pockets absently, and then reached inside his coat for the inside pocket.

"I know the box is a little ridiculous and over the top...." Spencer began to mumble, deep in thought, as he finally displayed a small velvet black box. Derek hitched an eyebrow and looked at Spencer with so many emotions on his face – love, awe, confusion...

Derek took the small box from Spencer's hand and opened it. Within the box was a thick and basic silver band. Derek lifted it out of it's velvet container and eyed it in his palm, a small smile on his face. As it glinted in the sunlight, he noticed something etched inside of the ring, and he held it up to examine it further. In bold script, it read _"I've made the most important discovery of my life. It's only in the mysterious equation of love that any logical reasons can be found."_ And then _Spencer_ was written right after the quote.

"That's one of my favorite quotes. It was in the movie _A Beautiful Mind_." Spencer explained as Derek finished reading it.

Derek looked up at Spencer with a huge smile on his face. "It sounds just like you." He said, pure happiness emanating from his eyes. He slipped it on his right middle finger and made his way closer to Spencer, who was beaming over the fact that Derek liked it.

"Thank you, Spence." He said, his voice now soft and gentle, and he wrapped his arms around the young man and kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Spencer answered, squeezing Derek just a little tighter. "You got me my necklace, I wanted you to have something, too. I've had it in my pocket for a couple weeks now..."

Derek laughed and pulled back. "Shy Doctor Reid..." he teased with a playful smirk. Spencer laughed, embarrassed, and followed Derek's lead, who had wrapped his arm around Spencer's shoulders and was leading him in the direction they had come.

"Come on, Pretty Boy. The sun's going down soon, we should get somethin' to eat and head home."


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Sorry for such a short chapter, I've had writer's block. Again. D:

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Criminal Minds_.

**Chapter 14**

Spencer took in a deep breath and snapped his book shut out of frustration. He looked around the small waiting room, to the bulletin boards on the walls with their fliers on drug addiction and recovery, bulletin boards full of all kinds of information that he had already committed to memory. He couldn't concentrate on his book, his mind was elsewhere.

His eyes flicked to a young woman sitting on the opposite wall from him, curled into herself within an extra large light brown hoodie. Her shoes and jeans were old and worn and filled with holes, and Spencer couldn't help but compare her to one of the corpses in his case files. His eyes darted again to the left where an older man sat with blisters and sores all over his face, slightly twitching every couple of seconds... _I don't belong here with these people_...

"Dr. Reid?"

Spencer slowly looked up when he heard Dr. Fitzgerald call his name, and he saw her standing in the doorway of the waiting room, waiting for him to acknowledge her. He slowly stood, picking up his bag and book, and followed her into her office.

"How're you today, Spencer?"

"Great."

He never wanted to come back here.

0-0-0

Spencer walked out of the double doors leading to the bustling streets outside. He lowered his head and shakily buttoned up his coat and stuck his hands in his pockets. He sighed and took a couple steps forward, but jumped when someone honked their car horn.

Spencer stopped and looked towards the direction the sound came from only to find Derek sitting in his car a couple feet away from Dr. Fitzgerald's office. He smiled to himself and walked towards the car, grateful for Derek and the heat his car was providing.

"Hey, Pretty Boy." Derek greeted as Spencer opened the door. "Figured it was too cold for you to walk home tonight."

"Thanks." Spencer breathed in the warm air and the faint fragrance of Derek's cologne and held his hands up in front of the vents.

"I already have the fettuccine at home." Derek added, putting the car in drive and pulling out into traffic. Spencer turned to Derek with a huge, grateful grin and leaned back in his seat, taking in the city lights. It wasn't very often that he got to enjoy D.C. and everything it had to offer.

When Derek and Spencer returned to the apartment, Spencer excitedly took the food to the living room with a hurried "pick a movie," and sat down on the couch with his take-out dish, legs crossed underneath himself. Derek paused next to the coffee table and looked at Spencer, smirking.

"Excited, much?"

Spencer only looked up at Derek with huge doe-like eyes, knowing that that was all it took to get Derek to fold, and motioned towards the television with his fork.

"Hurry up, I'm hungry." Derek rolled his eyes and laughed, making his way over to the entertainment system to look through the DVDs.

Once the DVD was playing and Derek was sitting comfortably next to Spencer with his food, he quickly found himself relaxing back into their normal routine without all the of the stress and negativity from the previous days.

Derek crossed one leg over the other on the coffee table and shoveled some pasta in his mouth, not really paying much attention to the television as much as he was enjoying his food and examining Spencer's obviously lighter mood.

Derek cleared his throat then, taking advantage of the excellent mood, and looked over to Spencer. "I talked to my mom today." He said quietly and normally like it was an every day occurrence. Spencer continued chewing and nodded, waiting for Derek to continue.

"She wants us to come up one weekend soon so you can meet her and my sisters. She said she'd feel awful if we subjected you to the entire family for the first time at Easter." Spencer raised his eyebrows then and looked at Derek.

"I told her I'd talk to you first but that it would probably be in two or three weeks, depending on if we had a case or not."

Spencer flushed then and nodded, turning back to the television. "Okay."

Derek watched him suspiciously, he wasn't expecting him to be this calm, he wasn't _used_ to him being this calm. For a brief second, he had the urge to force Spencer to look at him just to make sure his pupils weren't dilated...

"That's okay?" Derek asked, eyebrows raised with his jaw slightly opened, automatically going into profiler-mode as he examined every inch of Spencer.

Spencer nodded absentmindedly and waved his hand dismissively. "Yeah. Chicago it is."


	16. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Criminal Minds_, unfortunately.

**Chapter 15**

Spencer sat on the plane between the window and Derek, arm draped lazily over a black soft cover Moleskine while the other held his head not-so-comfortably as he slept partially off of the seat. Derek looked at him, his frail body curled up in the small seat, leaned over and leaning against the side of the plane, hair hanging in his face, and smiled.

Derek placed his headphones over his head and sunk himself deeper into his seat, wrapping his forearm across Spencer's for the contact, for the rush he felt whenever he felt Spencer's velvety skin...

Derek smiled to himself as his eyes closed, taking in all of the feelings and emotions. The feeling of Spencer beneath his skin, Spencer's willingness to officially meet his family, his family's acceptance...

As soon as he drifted off to sleep, he felt Spencer stir and he opened his eyes just in time to see Spencer sit up reluctantly and look over to Derek, still half asleep. Spencer blinked a few times and looked down to their arms. He turned his arm over and entwined his fingers with Derek's before leaning over and resting his head on Derek's shoulder, attempting to get a little bit more rest before landing in Chicago.

0-0-0

Spencer frowned as they pulled up and parked in front of a cozy two story home only to find three women standing outside on the porch, arms crossed and waiting.

"I really should have had you brief me on the inner workings of your family before we arrived."

Derek looked over to Spencer as he unbuckled his seat belt, eyebrow raised. "Seriously, Spence?"

Spencer nibbled on his bottom lip as he offered Derek a reluctant look and unbuckled his own seat belt. Derek stepped out of the car and around to the trunk to pull their bags out, grinning to himself when he heard, "Derek, baby!" and footsteps padding toward the car.

Spencer met him at the back of the car, fetching his own bag and closing the trunk as Ms. Morgan wrapped her son up in a hug.

"Hey, momma." He greeted as he kissed her cheek. "You remember Spencer." Derek added, motioning towards Spence as he hugged his sisters.

Spencer waved awkwardly as he watched the scene unfold, completely taken aback when she wrapped him up in a hug of his own. "Of course I do! That was such a while ago, though." She pulled back from her hug but left her hand on Spencer's back, leading him towards the house. "I've already started making dinner!"

Derek followed Spencer and his mother into the house, winking at Spence as they entered the house.

0-0-0

Spencer sat next to Derek at the kitchen table, across from Desiree and Sarah, and Ms. Morgan who was sitting at the end of the table amidst bowls of mashed potatoes and meat and various vegetables.

Spencer politely turned down a glass of red wine with a small smile, and briefly wondered how much Derek had told his family about his drug addiction when a small, understanding sparkle passed through Ms. Morgan's eyes. Instead, Spencer took a coke and followed the family's orders when it came to passing plates.

"So, Spencer." Ms. Morgan began as everyone ate. Spencer tried to keep the frown from forming on his face; this was the type of thing he was dreading, the questions. _This is for Derek_, he thought to himself as he forced himself to look up questioningly, waiting for her to ask her question.

"Where'd you grow up and go to school?"

Spencer finished chewing as he looked from face to face. "I grew up in Las Vegas and went to public school for a few years before I went to CalTech."

"He graduated from high school when he was twelve." Derek added, a proud look in his eye as he took another bite.

Spencer looked at Derek for a second, panic rising. This was usually the time when people began to look at him strangely... "Yeah..." was all he could muster.

"Oh my God, really?" Sarah's eyes were wide and they attractively matched her huge grin. "That's so amazing. What'd you do for all that time at college then?"

Spencer blinked, staring at her dumbly with a look of confusion. "Oh, uh..." He stared down at his plate for a second as he tried to compose himself. "I completed three doctorates in mathematics, chemistry, and engineering, and two undergraduate degrees in psychology and sociology. I'm currently working on one in philosophy." Her eyes grew even wider as she grinned at Desiree, and Spencer was sure there was some kind of hidden message being shared between the two. _You're being ridiculous, Spencer._ Spencer looked over to Derek then, who had a pleased smile draped across his face; he looked happy and content. Maybe there were no hidden motives.

"It took me _four years_ just to complete my _undergraduate degree_..." Desiree said in awe.

0-0-0

Spencer laid in the queen sized bed tiredly as he waited for Derek to finish showering. He closed his eyes and breathed in the fragrance of the linens, sinking deeper into the mattress as he cocooned himself further. Derek's family had, without a word, fixed up Derek's old bedroom for the two of them, complete with new paint and a queen sized bed, and offered them fresh coffee and a large breakfast for the next morning.

Spencer felt a weight press down on the bed and he opened his eyes groggily.

"Sorry, babe." Derek whispered and was answered only by a thin but strong arm reaching out and pulling Derek closer. Derek smiled and sank deeper into the bed, turning the light out in the process, which caused Spencer to visibly tense.

"It's okay." Derek whispered, running a hand through Spencer's hair as he felt Spencer's eyelashes flutter closed against his chest.

"Your family's amazing." Spencer mumbled, half asleep, into the nape of Derek's neck.

Derek gave a small chuckle. "Don't think I didn't see ya panic in there, Spence. They loved you." Derek kissed the top of Spencer's head before nuzzling his face in his hair, and ultimately drifting off to a wonderful sleep.


	17. Epilogue

**A/N: **This is the last chapter of A Well Respected Man, guys. I think this story has run its course.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Criminal Minds_.

**Final Chapter – Epilogue**

Spencer wasn't home yet and he was taking a lot longer than usual after his therapy session. I was starting to get antsy.

I sat at the kitchen table, tapping my fingers impatiently as Clooney watched me from his corner at the opposite side of the kitchen. He watched, seeming to be just as worried, and finally tossed his head down to rest on his paws, a giant sigh escaping as he did so.

I groaned then and stood up quickly from the chair, beginning to pace when I heard the lock in the door turn and the door slowly open as Spencer walked through the doorway.

"Where've you been?" I asked quickly before Spence even had time to enter and close the door. He stood in the doorway with a shocked expression on his face and blinked a couple times before looking over his shoulder to the door.

"At one of my meetings." He said bluntly and pointed to the door, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I let out a breath and let my shoulders relax. "I was just starting to get worried. You're usually home before now."

Spencer just shrugged and offered a quiet 'sorry' as he made his way into the apartment, stripping off his bag and jacket and shoes before finally collapsing on the couch. I followed him and picked up the television remote as Clooney trotted his way in as well, pausing in front of Spencer with a hefty pant as he waited for his usual treatment.

Spencer tiredly ran his hand over Clooney's head and made his way to place his head in my lap all at the same time. It had been a little over three months since I had taken Spencer to Chicago, and ever since then, it seemed like Spencer was much more comfortable with the way things had been working out, much more _affectionate_. But hell, I wasn't complaining. I enjoy the cuddling much more than I ever let on. I placed my hand on Spencer's head and ran my fingers through his hair, the one thing that always relaxes Spencer into sleep, and had to stifle a snort at some of the similarities between my two boys.

Spencer's hand tiredly dropped from Clooney's head and landed near his chest, leaving Clooney semi-content as he flopped down on the floor in front of the couch. At this point, I was pretty sure that something had gone on tonight that Spencer wasn't telling me. He hadn't really acted any differently, and actually, this is pretty much our normal routine on his therapy nights, but I just _knew_.

Almost as if he were reading my mind, Spencer sighed but didn't move. "Nothing's going on, Derek. There's no unexpected visitors, no Dilaudid, no pain-killers. I just walked home tonight instead of taking the metro." He said quietly, eyes still closed. I looked down to his face, probably looking slightly shocked. Sure, we're all profilers, but it's always a little unnerving how Spencer can seemingly read and understand me better than anyone else.

"I didn't sa -"

Spencer suddenly pointed at his head and my hand. "You stopped." He said quietly, obviously the only explanation I'd be getting. I scoffed then and looked back up at the television, my hand running over his hair once more.

0-0-0

"You've been tossing and turning for four hours now, Spencer." I said tiredly, slightly annoyed. "It's 4:30 in the morning. We have to go to work soon."

Spencer sighed then before finally throwing his head back on his pillow, clasping his hands over his abdomen. I sighed, too, giving up all hope on sleep, and propped myself up on an elbow to get a good look at Spence.

"What's wrong?"

"Can't sleep."

"Obviously."

Spencer closed his eyes then and took in a deep breath. "Sorry to wake you up." He murmured, turning over on his side with his back facing me.

"Hey, now." I rebutted, fully awake now and alert that something was definitely off. I leaned over and tried to roll him back over, but he stubbornly remained still and stiff as a board. I couldn't help but laugh then, partially out of amusement and partially because it was so damn early and I couldn't help myself.

"I love you, you know that?" I said happily between laughs as I watched the back of Spencer's head.

He turned over then and looked up into my face as I laughed. "Will you marry me then?"

I returned Spencer's gaze with a smile still on my face, but shocked nonetheless. I was completely taken aback and I felt like I was frozen, but I'm sure the happiness never left my eyes.

"What?" I managed to say, my face relaxing a little bit. Spencer's mouth snapped shut as he blinked a few times, obviously thinking of what to say next. "You know, gay marriage is actually legal in D.C. As well as in Connecticut, Iowa, New Hampshire, and Vermont. New York, Rhode Island, and Maryland recognize gay marriage, but they don -"

"Spencer."

He stopped talking then and looked around the room for anything to occupy his mind. I felt like I couldn't formulate any reasonable sentence despite my happiness.

"It's late." Spencer whispered and rolled back over, wrapping the covers back around himself. I watched him roll over as I took in the last seven minutes and tried to wrap my head around them.

"Wait a second." I replied. I rolled him back over and examined his expression. "You just gotta give me a second, kid. My mind's not as sharp as yours." I added with a wink, causing Spencer to roll his eyes. It took me another couple of seconds to get my thoughts in order, partially because I was still pretty stunned, and I also couldn't help the way my stomach flipped whenever he, unconsciously, acted this adorable.

"You wanna get married?" I could feel the corners of my eyes tighten and crease as a smile began to form across my face again, a feature I was never too proud of back when I was a kid.

Spencer bit his lip then and I could of _sworn_ I felt his heart beat pick up and begin racing.

"Well... yeah... That's kind of why I was a little late coming home tonight." Spencer answered cautiously, and he began to explain further when I gave him a questioning look. He gracefully made his way from under my arms and rolled over to his nightstand, opening the drawer, and revealing a small dark green box.

He leaned himself up against the headboard then and casually handed me the box. I opened it with an arched eyebrow, revealing a small and very thin silver band.

"It matches the one I gave you a few months ago. They go together."

"You've been planning this for a few months?" I asked, my smile turning into a full widespread grin now. Spencer bit his lip again and nodded. I looked back down to the band, curious to see if anything was etched into it like in it's matching ring, and when I saw the bold script inside, I couldn't help but lean over and kiss Spencer.

_I love you._

"I love you, Spence." I mumbled. "And that's a yes." I added with a wink as I pulled back.

_End._

**A/N: **So, that's it, guys... Hope everyone enjoyed the story! I'm a bit sad now, this series was my first fic. I'm sad that it's over...


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